Unlocking the Mysteries of Dating Spanish Men

Wondering how dating Spanish men might change your love life? Or maybe you’ve already started dating someone from Spain and you’re wondering how much of your experience is due to the culture versus their personal quirks.

To be sure, wading through the Spanish dating pool can be exciting, passionate, and eye-opening. But, there are also a few things you should know before diving into the deep end! In this article, we’ll talk about culture, dating norms, and potential red flags so that you can create the Spanish romance of your dreams!

First, there is no universal experience when dating Spanish men

One myth that we should bust right away is the idea that dating Spanish men is a universal experience. While the men you’ll date may come from a similar culture, every person is an individual with their own unique family background, personal values, history, and worldview.

That’s to say that while we can understand the important role that culture plays in shaping the Spanish men you date, don’t forget that different people are different people, even if they come from the same place.

With that in mind, there are a few general truths that you’ll find are likely in the Spanish dating pool. So, throughout the rest of this article, we’ll talk about some fun, quirky, and potentially concerning commonalities that you may come across while dating Spanish men.

Let’s get one thing straight: it’s called futbol, not soccer

One of the first things that you’ll learn about many Spanish men is that they’re, well, a bit stubborn about certain things. And few examples explain this better than when they hear the word “soccer” instead of “futbol.” Of course, this will only apply to you if you come from a country that uses the term soccer (ahem, people from the US), but even if you don’t, you might notice that simply hearing foreigners call it soccer from across a crowded bar might ruffle your Spanish man’s feathers.

Of course, Spaniards have the right to be protective about the sport. They are, after all, world champions, having won the FIFA World Cup in 2010. But we use this example simply to explain that when a person from Spain has a strong opinion, they’re not likely to budge.

Be ready for late nights

Spain is known for its culture of eating late and staying out late. Indeed, most restaurants don’t open until 8 pm and don’t expect to be full until at least 9 pm. And, if you’re planning a night out on the town, don’t even think about heading to the club until after 1 am. Otherwise, the dance floor is likely to be empty. Even family gatherings are late-night affairs, with grandmas and young children alike staying up late to enjoy quality time together.

So, whether you’re dating Spanish men in Spain or abroad, be prepared to butt heads about whether 10 pm is a reasonable time for dinner. And know that they might be perfectly content being the last person at the party.

Make the first move

One of the things that many people get wrong when they start dating Spanish men is assuming that he’ll make the first move. But Spanish dating culture isn’t so forward or brazen. Instead, it’s more common for romances to develop from genuine friendships or workplace interactions. After some time and shared interests, and maybe a little bit of a nudge, a Spanish man will feel comfortable asking someone out on a date. But many times, it’s the woman who makes the first move.

Don’t take this personally! It doesn’t mean that he’s not interested or proactive. Instead, it comes from a place of respect and an established dating culture that discourages men from being overly forward.

Expect the plans to change

In general, people from Spain tend to live a very flexible, fluid kind of lifestyle. And this can look like preferring to keep their schedules open over the weekend in case of last-minute plans or unexpected whims. Or, it can take the form of talking about getting together in the future without wanting to make concrete plans. It can also look like cancelling plans without much of a warning or showing up unannounced because they were “in the neighborhood.”

If you’re from a culture that has rigid ideas about scheduling, planning, and organization, this can be a very difficult transition. Going with the flow sounds great, but it can lead to stress and confusion when you’re not used to it.

We’re not saying that you have to completely give up your preference for structure and predictability. And indeed, a Spanish man who is interested in dating you should be proactive about planning dates and showing up on time. But keep in mind that dating Spanish men may challenge you to be more flexible than you otherwise would be.

Find your level of comfort with PDA

Spanish culture is quite comfortable with public displays of affection, and it’s not uncommon to see couples holding hands, cuddling, and kissing in public areas. Even platonic physical touch is normal; friends, family members, and acquaintances will kiss on the cheek in greeting. What’s more, personal space is greatly reduced in most parts of Spain, which can be off-putting for anyone outside of the culture.

Now, if you’re uncomfortable with PDA or dating Spanish men outside of Spain, you may need to have a conversation about this. Let your partner know what your level of comfort is and make sure that they respect your boundaries.

Learn a little Spanish (or Catalan, or Galician, or one of the other many languages spoken in Spain)

Okay, sure, many Spanish people speak English. And according to statistics, if you’re dating Spanish men who do speak English, they’re likely to speak it at a high proficiency level.

But just because you’re dating an English-speaking Spaniard doesn’t mean that you should put zero effort into learning Spanish. Connecting with him in his first language, or even showing interest in being able to do so, can go a long way toward building emotional intimacy and respect in the relationship.

There’s another reason why it’s important to pick up some Spanish (or one of the many other dialects spoken in Spain): family. Family is extremely important in Spanish culture, and even if your romantic partner speaks English, his parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles, and most importantly, grandparents, may not. And, if you want to make a good impression on them, which may be crucial for maintaining a harmonious relationship with him, you can go a long way by learning the language.

Don’t call it a lisp

While we’re on the topic of language, there’s something you should know about the Spanish: they get peeved when you say they have a lisp.

Now, not that there’s anything wrong with having a lisp or any other kind of speech impairment. But the fact that Spain’s dialect of Spanish utilizes a “th” sound in the place of an “s” in certain contexts is not related to a speech disorder. Instead, it is a regional linguistic feature, with some parts of Spain relying more heavily on the “th” sound and others favoring the “s” sound. The change likely evolved over many generations, just as all languages change naturally over time.

So no, there was no Spanish king with a lisp who changed the language single-handedly. And no, you shouldn’t say that European Spanish has a lisp.

Expand your ideas of a “manly man”

If you’re attracted to men who uphold a very specific form of masculinity that includes burliness, emotional detachment, and big muscles, Spanish men are not likely to fit the mold you’re looking for. Instead, other, equally valid forms of masculinity would better describe Spanish men: charming, reserved, gentlemanly, handsome, honest, passionate, and confident, just to name a few.

In other words, most of the men you come across aren’t going to be super “manly” bodybuilders. They’re also not going to be real-life versions of the iconic Don Juan (a fictional Spanish character known for being a heart-throb). Instead, they’ll be much more approachable because they’ll be real, down-to-earth men.

Resist the urge to run if he lives with his family

As you start dating Spanish men, you might be shocked to hear how many of them live with family members, most commonly their parents. And, if you come from a background in which this is a major red flag, you might be tempted to run for the hills.

Resist this urge! In Spanish tradition, it’s completely normal for multiple generations of a family to live together. In fact, many of the older homes throughout the country are built with exactly this purpose in mind: to give family members private areas of the home and allow for communal gathering in courtyards or patios.

Nowadays, it’s common for Spanish people to continue living at home throughout their 20s and even into their 30s until they get married or move in with a serious partner. After that, it’s not uncommon for aging parents to move in with their adult children or to help with child-raising.

Again, every Spanish man will have a unique relationship with his own family. So, you’ll want to get to know what those dynamics are like and whether the level of importance that he places on his family is something that you can accept. At the end of the day, family is one of the most important and immovable values in Spanish culture, and you may have to adapt or walk away.

Accept that Spanish men may not see you as a long-term option

Spain is a country that gets a lot of tourism annually. And that means that they may be accustomed to making temporary connections with foreigners. In other words, if you strike up a hot and heavy romance on your summer vacation, it may be difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship with a Spanish man. Given how important in-person social interactions are in Spanish culture, it’s not uncommon for the spark to fade when all that’s left is text messaging and phone calls.

Now, will the same be true if you meet a Spanish man living outside of Spain? Well, it all depends on his situation. Is he on vacation? Is he living abroad? If so, does he plan on moving back at some point? These are all considerations that will influence whether he’s open to a long-term relationship or would rather keep things casual.

Don’t take the teasing personally

Spanish men are known for their friendly, flirtatious way of speaking. And this can sometimes take the form of playful, good-hearted teasing. They may poke fun at your accent, ask if you really meant to order that kind of wine, or make other comments that may come off as slightly rude if you think about it too deeply.

Of course, there is a fine line between gentle teasing and negging, or the practice of giving back-handed compliments as a subtle way to gain power. If you suspect that the Spanish guy you’re talking to is making inappropriate or critical comments rather than light-hearted joking, call him out on it.

Make room for vices, like smoking

Every country has its popular vices, and in Spain, smoking, staying out late, and drinking lots of wine are certainly some of the less-healthy habits.

Statistics for how many people smoke in Spain are somewhere between 24% and 29%, which means there’s a fairly high probability that you might date someone who is a smoker. If you can’t stand this fact, it might soothe you to know that smoking is generally on the decline. And, many cities are introducing new laws that would make many public areas smoke-free while restricting the sale of tobacco products.

But for now, smoking is still widely accepted and common in open-air settings, including plazas, restaurant terraces, and sidewalks. So, you might need to accept smoking as part of the experience of dating Spanish men. Or, be proactive about finding romantic matches who are non-smokers.

Understand that dating Spanish men changes by region

Spain is a relatively small country, so you might be surprised to learn just how many distinct cultures reside within its borders! For example, dating someone from Madrid will probably be a much different experience than dating someone from Andalucia. Indeed, men in the capital city are often described as being slightly arrogant, while men in the south have a reputation for being hot-headed.

This is all to say that, while there are some commonalities between Spanish men, you’ll also find differences between Spanish men from different regions. You’ll find it helpful to learn more about the specific cultural norms and history of the region where your Spanish man is from so that you can understand him on a deeper level.

Don’t excuse bad behaviors as “cultural”

All over the world, there are men who are well-intentioned, emotionally mature, faithful, and honest. And, all over the world, there are men who behave poorly and aren’t ready for a healthy relationship. And, while it can be helpful to think about how someone’s background may have shaped them into the person and partner they are, there’s no reason to think that bad behavior has roots in their culture. For instance, some stereotypes that may be wrongly applied to all Spanish men include:

• They are all Don Juans, interested only in hook-ups.
• Their partners have to accept their flirtatious nature and physical touch, even if it makes them uncomfortable.
• Their passion makes them hot-headed and stubborn.
• They are not faithful by nature.

Yes, Spanish culture tends to be friendly, warm, emotional, and with less of an emphasis on personal space. But that shouldn’t be used as an excuse for unhealthy behaviors like flirting with someone outside of the relationship or being unable to control their anger.

In general, if a Spanish man says, “You need to accept that it’s just part of my culture,” consider it a red flag that he may be unwilling to compromise.

Live in the present moment

Overall, Spanish culture puts a heavy emphasis on in-person quality time, family responsibility, enjoyment, and relaxation. There’s a common phrase to describe this lifestyle, which is that Spanish people work to live rather than living to work. In other words, they highly value their free time and want to maximize their enjoyment of life outside of the office. This doesn’t mean, of course, that they don’t enjoy successful careers, but rather that their priorities tend to lie outside of the workplace.

If you’re someone who grew up with a different mindset, the change might be more radical than you expect! Learning how to let go of strict timelines, advanced plans, organization, being career-focused above all else, and optimizing your free time will take effort and patience.

But, if you find the right Spanish man to be at your side, you’ll find that enjoying an impromptu tinto de verano on the plaza at 10 pm on a Tuesday night is a pretty sweet tradeoff.

Are you ready to start dating Spanish men?

As you can see, there are some exciting pros and potential cons of dating men from Spain. And keeping both in mind will help you navigate this interesting dating pool with realistic expectations and a better understanding of Spanish culture and traditions.

If you’re ready to start dating Spanish men, prepare yourself for late nights, plenty of PDA, and maybe even a newfound love of futbol!