Conflict Resolution in Sugar Relationships: How to Navigate Disagreements About Money and Boundaries

If you want success in the Bowl, one of the best things you can do is get comfortable talking about sugar dating, money, and boundaries. We know, we know: easier said than done. That’s why we’ve got the guide to the tough money talks and limit-setting that will help you find middle ground with your partner.

Save your relationship and your peace of mind with these financial tips!

Iron out your budget before you start chatting

Budgeting for your sugar relationships is a crucial step in finding a partner who is financially compatible with you. Some considerations to keep in mind as you work out your budget should include:

• Your monthly expendable income. Contrary to popular belief, most sugar babies aren’t looking for a partner with the highest gross income, but rather the highest expendable income! After all, it’s the difference between a super-wealthy salt daddy and a much more desirable, generous-within-his-means sugar daddy.
• The average rates for sugaring in your area. You might be able to get a sense of this from online forums or friends and colleagues you know who are also in the Bowl. If you’re still unsure, bring it up when chatting with potential partners so that you can get a sense of what’s typical.
• What kinds of benefits do you want to include in your sugar relationship? Certain elements of a sugar relationship, such as being accessible 24/7, having video calls, or intimacy, will factor into your overall budget, so get clear about what you’d like to include in your arrangement.
• Any out-of-the-ordinary expenses that might come up, such as last-minute vacations. Just as you would budget for your personal life, it’s a good idea to have a rainy-day budget for your sugaring lifestyle. This will help cover unexpected costs, such as purchasing a new dress for a special event you want your sugar baby to attend or covering the cost of having their car towed if they broke down on the way to a date, etc.

Have a negotiation script at the ready

Sometimes, getting the ball rolling with money conversations is the hardest part, and having a script that you can loosely follow will give you the confidence to dive in. Here are a few ideas for opening up the money talk:

• “I really enjoy spending time with you, and I’d love to see you again. So, I think it’s a good idea for us to iron out some financial details.”
• “It’s so easy to get lost in conversation with you, but I want to make sure that we’re able to talk about my budget before the night is over.”
• “I want you to know that I’m serious about continuing this, so even though it’s not the most fun thing, I’d love to talk about how we can make this work moving forward.”

Once you’ve introduced the money talk, what's next? Try these options:

• “I want to be fully transparent with you about my budget, so here’s what I’m comfortable providing…”
• “If you’re on board with keeping this going, a few things that I’m able to offer could be [X amount of allowance, covered expenses, X number of dates per month, etc.]”
• “In terms of where I’m at financially, I would be able to cover…”

Remember to be as detailed as possible with the set amount that you’re willing and able to provide a sugar baby each month! And, don’t forget to ask about what the other person can offer by using respectful statements such as:

• “Within the budget that I’ve laid out, what do you envision our relationship looking like?”
• “Given my monthly budget, would you feel comfortable including [your list of requests]”
• “So, now you know what I’m able to offer every month and a few of the benefits that I’m hoping we can include in a relationship. How are you feeling about this dynamic? Is there anything that you would like to change? Where can we meet in the middle?”

As you can see, these kinds of scripted questions can help to open up honest, respectful conversations. The idea is to find a middle ground between your budget and desires and a sugar baby’s priorities and expectations.

Don’t overpromise (no matter what!)

Now, one thing that is sure to cause disagreements and disappointments later on in a sugar relationship is one or both people overpromising at the beginning. A sugar daddy, for example, might agree to an allowance that is at the very top of or even slightly over their budget. Or, a sugar baby might say that they’re available for phone calls at late hours even though they have a habit of turning off their notifications after 11 pm.

And there are many reasons why someone might be compelled to misrepresent their availability, willingness, or resources at the beginning of a relationship. They might worry that they’ll be rejected if they don’t agree to certain terms. Or, they might genuinely have the best intentions to follow through with certain promises, but haven’t put enough thought into whether the terms are feasible for them.

One way to avoid overpromising is to follow one very simple rule: Think about it. Give yourself some time to sit with a potential sugar partner’s offer and really consider whether you’re willing and able to move forward. And if you have doubts, verbalize them! You might be surprised to learn that the other person is more flexible on certain conditions if you let them know ahead of time. On the flip side, they’re likely to feel deceived and disappointed if you overpromise and then are unable to follow through.

Create a safe space for money discussions from the start

Another thing to consider when it comes to sugar dating, money, and boundaries is that it will require ongoing maintenance. And while having a good money talk during the negotiation phase will give you a good foundation, inevitably, financial considerations are going to keep coming up: you might have accidentally missed an allowance payment, or maybe you need to cancel a date and make up for it at a later time. These things happen.

The key is to open up a line of communication about financial issues that is non-confrontational and non-judgmental. The goal is for both of you to feel comfortable talking about money issues as soon as they come up so that they don’t fester and lead to resentment.

Some ways to ensure that you create that open line of communication can be to say things like,

• “I want you to feel like you can always come to me with questions about the budget, payments, expenses, and anything else money-related.”
• “I want us to always be on the same page with money stuff, so I want you to feel comfortable asking me questions or bringing up any doubts or suggestions.”
• “I know that talking about money can feel uncomfortable, but I think it’s always better to get everything out in the open so that we can work through it together.”
• “Let’s check in in a couple of months to make sure that the budget is still working for both of us.”

Put together date options that are within your budget

A good way to avoid disappointments or misunderstandings is to put together date options and ideas that are within the budget. That way, you’re not caught off-guard by going to a place you hadn’t researched ahead of time, or you don’t find yourself having to shoot down every suggestion from your sugar partner. Here are a few things to keep in mind when budgeting for a specific date option:

• What is the maximum amount that you would be able to spend on this date?
• Is this a restaurant/experience that, even if your sugar baby went all out with their ordering, you could still comfortably cover the bill?
• Have you factored in other expenses, such as transportation to and from the location, parking or valet, etc.?
• Does the quality of the restaurant or experience align with the kind of message you want to send to your sugar baby? For example, you could certainly take your partner to a fast-food restaurant without having to worry about the bill. But this obviously wouldn’t be a very romantic option. So, you’ll have to balance out the monetary value with the emotional impact.

Plan dates no more than a few weeks in advance to start

Even if you’re feeling very positive about your connection with a partner, it’s still a good idea to take things slow at the beginning. After all, it takes a few months to get to know someone’s true character, and you might find that you’re not entirely financially compatible until you’ve gone on enough dates to get a feel for one another.

One option that you have during the getting to know you phase is to set up a pay-per-meeting (ppm) agreement instead of a set allowance until you’ve built up trust and understanding. Of course, you’ll want to communicate your intentions here without ruining the spark. You might phrase it like,

• “I would be interested in an allowance set-up for a long-term relationship. But while we’re getting to know each other, would you be open to a per date set-up? Something like three to four dates would be comfortable for me.”
• “I feel like we have a good connection here, but I have a policy of sticking to pay-per-meeting set-ups until we’ve had a chance to get to know each other better.”

In general, offering a set time limit on when you plan on switching from ppm to allowance can give a potential partner the peace of mind that you’re looking for something long-term but want to be cautious at the beginning.

Don’t give out your financial details for any reason

One mistake that we sometimes see sugar daddies make is getting comfortable enough with a partner to give them their credit card information or access to their money-sharing app on their phone. And while this can feel like an appropriate step for some relationships, especially long-term, exclusive, and emotionally-committed ones, we would always recommend avoiding it.

That’s because it can be very easy for a situation like this to turn sour. The minute that you see an unexpected charge on your account or you notice that your sugar baby has started to go over the budget on a few items, it can spark resentment and distrust.

Learn how to approach money disputes with care

If you’re the kind of person who gets instantly angry around money disagreements, you could jeopardize your relationships because you haven’t learned the skills to work through them. Luckily, there are a few ways to be more careful and thoughtful with money disputes:

• Ask about the situation from your sugar partner’s point of view. Oftentimes, money disputes can boil down to misunderstandings or misinterpretations of the situation, so it can be helpful to ask your sugar baby how they’re feeling about the dispute. Did they misinterpret your budget? Do they feel that they’re not being fairly compensated for their time?
• Reiterate to your sugar partner your budget and limitations. Simply stating how much you’re able to spend on your sugar relationship each month can be a gentle reminder of your limitations.
• Come up with a plan that works for both of you. If you can remain neutral and open, you should be able to find common ground that allows each of you to feel valued within the relationship.
• Remember to use “I” statements. Money disputes can feel like personal attacks if you’re not careful. Using “I” statements, such as saying something like, “I felt like I wasn’t being considered when you ordered room services without talking to me first,” can be much more productive than “You ordered room service without asking me because you’re inconsiderate.”
• Don’t interrupt your sugar partner.
• If you feel the conversation becoming overly emotional, press pause and come back when you’re both feeling calmer.

If your financial situation changes, tell your partner as soon as possible

Life can be unpredictable, and it’s not uncommon for sugar daddies to experience changes to their financial situation or for a sugar baby’s financial needs to change. But, instead of keeping these changes to yourself, make sure that you convey them to your partner as soon as possible. Here are a few conversation starters for the uncomfortable situation of having to talk about financial changes:

• From a sugar daddy’s perspective: “I wanted to let you know as soon as possible that I’m going to be on a stricter budget for the next few months because of [things going on at work, moving homes, kids going to college, etc.] and I’m going to need to renegotiate our relationship…”
• From a sugar baby’s perspective: “I think it’s important for me to let you know that my financial situation has changed and I’m going to need a higher allowance in order to account for [a raise in my rent, opening my own business, changes to my student loan repayment plan, etc.]”

Keep in mind that your partner might reject your offer or changes to the relationship, at which point, you’ll need to decide whether you can come to a compromise or will need to end the relationship. But either way, it’s best to resolve these kinds of financial changes as early as possible.

How do you feel about sugar dating, money, and boundaries?

Now that we’ve covered many important aspects of navigating financial disagreements in sugar relationships, we hope that you feel more comfortable having the tough money talks with your sugar partner!