Group & Poly Sugar Arrangements: Managing Expectations with 3+ Participants
Poly sugar relationships can be fulfilling, fun, and eye-opening. But, as is the case any time you’re dealing with real humans and real human emotions, they can also be complicated and overwhelming. If you’ve been thinking of taking on multiple sugar partners for a while, there are a few ways that you can boost your chances of a more harmonious set-up and learn how to navigate bumps in the road with ease (okay, maybe not always with ease, but always with consideration and care).
Let’s talk about what poly sugar relationships require, how to practice conflict resolution, and more.
The many configurations of poly sugar relationships
First things first, let’s talk about some ways that poly relationships can manifest in the sugaring world. And your first question may be: Is any sugar daddy who dates multiple sugar babies or a sugar baby who dates multiple sugar daddies considered poly? We’ll not necessarily.
The key difference in poly sugar relationships is really consent. Polyamory is, at its core, an active choice to explore or maintain multiple connections with the consent of everyone involved. So, anyone thinking of merging sugaring with polyamory should be ready to make their intentions clear to all partners.
In contrast, a sugar daddy who has multiple partners but says that they’re monogamous, or a sugar baby with a long-term romantic partner who has a secret sugar relationship on the side, well, that’s just being unfaithful.
So, once open communication has been established, what kind of poly sugar relationships exist? Here are some of the most common:
- Sugar daddy with multiple long-term babies
- Sugar daddy with a long-term sugar baby and short-term sugar babies
- Sugar daddy with a romantic poly relationship and sugar relationships
- Sugar baby with a romantic poly relationship and sugar daddy
- Sugar baby with an open sugar relationship
In all of these scenarios, it is possible for partners to interact with one another or remain separate. For example, in the case of a married sugar daddy, he and his spouse may choose to go on dates with their sugar baby together. Or, the sugar daddy may have a completely separate relationship with their spouse and their sugar baby. As we’ll discuss in the next sections, it’s all about finding the configuration that works for everyone.
Deciding for yourself what kind of poly relationship will work for you
Before entering into a poly sugar relationship, you’ll need to think about what kind of configuration would be most satisfying and feasible for you. For instance, take into consideration:
- Your goals for poly sugar dating. In other words, what are you most interested in exploring with polyamory? Is it wanting to bring a third into your existing relationship? Or are you looking to branch out on your own and have separate experiences?
- Your time and resources. As we’ll cover later on in this article, polyamory requires a lot of planning as well as emotional and practical resources. So, if you’re someone who has a very demanding job, it might be best to stick with a lower-commitment form of dating
- Any struggles you may have with self-esteem or jealousy. If you’re not comfortable with your partner seeing other people, you might struggle with some types of poly configurations more than others. Consider what kinds of dynamics might stir up discomfort.
- Your strength as a communicator. Good communication is essential in all types of poly sugar relationships. If you’re a strong communicator, you might find yourself more comfortable taking on more relationships. But, if this is something you struggle with, it might be better to limit the number of partners or stick with short-term hookups over committed relationships.
Take your time to decide what kind of poly relationship would best fit your needs and current lifestyle before moving forward with pursuing new connections!
Tips for sugar daddies with multiple partners or babies
As you start exploring the world of polyamory as a sugar daddy, these tips will help you create more harmonious and satisfying relationships:
Be upfront about wanting a poly sugar relationship
Because consent is a core value of polyamory, you’ll want to be clear about your position early on in meeting new partners. In fact, including it in your sugar dating profile is a good way to make sure that new partners are on board even before you start chatting. This will save you time and disappointment.
Plan out your budget carefully
Having multiple partners as a sugar daddy means that you’ll need to be strategic with your budget allocation. So, get your numbers clear before you start negotiations with any new sugar babies.
Decide how much overlap you want in your connections
As we mentioned, there are many different kinds of poly sugar relationships, and one of the decisions that you’ll need to make is whether you want your partners to engage with one another. For example, would you be open to dates with more than one partner at a time? Are you comfortable with your sugar babies or your sugar baby and your spouse/romantic partner staying in touch? Or would you prefer to keep your relationships completely separate?
Make sure that you tailor your negotiations to individual partners
The sugar babies that you meet will have their own set of preferences and needs, so your negotiations will look different with each of them. You’ll need to be open to this so that everyone in the relationship is satisfied and well cared for.
Protect the privacy of your separate relationships
Having multiple sugar babies doesn’t mean that you get to complain about one partner to the other when they’re not around. This is a sure way to sow distrust and bad feelings. And on the flip side, talking too ravingly about one of your partners to another can also create unnecessary competition and ill will.
In general, the most respectful thing to do is be fully present with the partner you’re currently with. Enjoy and value each relationship separately, and don’t judge the way that each partner is different.
Get really good at scheduling
Depending on your job or your lifestyle, you might already consider yourself a pretty organized person. But entering into poly sugar relationships requires an even more advanced level of planning! Not only will you need to plan out dates with each partner, but you’ll also need to coordinate allowance allocation, gifts, birthdays, anniversaries, travel, and more.
In fact, if you’re in a position to hire a personal assistant, this is the time to rely on them for scheduling.
Tips for sugar babies in poly sugar relationships
Now, how should you approach poly sugaring as a sugar baby? Here are a few tips to boost your success:
Update your sugar dating profile to reflect your position
Being a polyamorous sugar baby is something that is appealing to many sugar daddies, so don’t shy away from including it in your profile. In fact, you may include phrases in your bio such as, “fun-loving sugar baby looking for an open, casual relationship” or “adventurous sugar baby open to being your third.”
Be clear about what your sugar daddy is requesting
There are many ways to define open and poly relationships in the world of sugaring, so you may need to ask some clarifying questions before taking on a new sugar daddy. For example, will you be interacting with your sugar daddy’s other sugar or romantic partners? Are they comfortable with you also having multiple partners? Is there an established hierarchy in their dating network (such as prioritizing their spouse over sugar babies)?
If you have multiple sugar daddies, make sure that you’re able to give them equal attention
One of the trickiest things about being a sugar baby with multiple partners is setting aside the time and energy for each of them. Juggling different schedules, preferences, moods, and sense of humor can become overwhelming if you take on more than you can handle. So, be honest with yourself about what’s feasible for you.
See other sugar babies as collaborators rather than competition
If you’re in a situation in which you’ll be expected to interact with other sugar babies with the same sugar daddy, understand that this could be another opportunity for connection and collaboration, not competition. For example, if the other sugar baby has known your sugar daddy for longer, they may have helpful advice that will make your connection stronger. Or, you may be able to help one another out as you both understand the demands of a sugar relationship.
If you pursue partners outside of sugaring, make sure they’re in the loop
If you have poly relationships outside of sugaring, make sure that they’re also aware of your sugar relationships.
Importance of safety and personal hygiene in poly sugar relationships
As is the case in all polyamorous, open, and sugar relationships, there are a few guidelines that all partners must follow for everyone’s safety and well-being, such as:
- Hygiene and safety regarding physical intimacy. If any partners are engaging in physical intimacy, it’s important that certain safety measures be followed to prevent the spread of STIs and STDs.
- Respect and safety between partners. Animosity between partners because of jealousy or competition creates an unsafe environment and needs to be addressed.
- Honesty. As we’ve mentioned, honesty and clear communication are essential for poly relationships. Deception and lies by omission are not part of healthy poly or sugar relationships.
Conflict resolution tips that can benefit everyone
Learning conflict resolution skills can help you in a variety of different scenarios, and especially in your sugar dating relationships! Let’s take a look at some easy-to-implement techniques for navigating disagreements or misunderstandings:
Set aside dedicated time to address the problem
It’s not a good idea to try to navigate conflict when you’re busy doing other things or distracted by your phone or family responsibilities. So, if you don’t have the ability to focus on the problem in the current moment, make a suggestion for another time. You might say something like, “It’s important to me that we talk about this, but right now is not the best time. When would you be able to sit down and talk about this one-on-one?”
Listen
It’s amazing how many conflicts can be resolved when both parties learn to simply listen to one another. And, becoming a better listener is an important step in conflict resolution.
Now, there’s something important to know about listening: it’s just listening. It’s not listening and gathering evidence to prove your point. It’s not listening and making notes of points in your partner’s argument that you’re going to take down one by one.
It’s just listening. It’s withholding judgment. It’s trying to see things from their perspective.
Ask for clarification
If there’s something that is not clicking for you about what your partner is saying, learn how to ask for clarification in a way that doesn’t sound combative. A few helpful phrases could be:
- “I just want to make sure I’m understanding what you’re saying, so I’m going to repeat it back to you and you can correct me if I’m wrong.”
- “Could you talk more about this? I need a little bit more context to understand your perspective.”
You can see how these phrases show that you genuinely care about listening to understand instead of listening to respond.
Explain the situation from your point of view
When it’s your time to talk, make sure that you swap out accusatory language for a genuine explanation of your perspective.
For example, you can probably guess that saying something like “I’ve told you a million times that I see my other partner on Tuesdays, and you won’t stop calling me when we’re together” is probably not going to elicit a positive response. Instead, you can try something like, “I feel frustrated that I’ve tried to set a boundary with you that I want Tuesdays to focus on my other partner. And when you disregard that boundary, it affects me and my ability to be present with my other partner.”
Ask for suggested solutions
Other tactics that probably won’t go over well are telling your partner how it’s going to be or giving them ultimatums. These are drastic options that might just increase the volume instead of allowing you to find common ground.
Instead, you might simply ask your partner, “Is there a solution that you have in mind?” or “What do you think would need to change in order for us to work through this?”
Pitch your own ideas
Remember that conflict negotiation isn’t one-sided. You should also be prepared to suggest your own solutions and be active in finding compromises that work for you both.
Take breaks as necessary
No matter if you’re in a yelling match or speaking with a pit in your stomach, conflict negotiation is an emotionally tiring experience. So, take breaks as needed so that you don’t get burned out and end up creating a false resolution.
Work with a couple’s therapist experienced in poly and sugar relationships
Sometimes, one of the best things you can do for your poly sugar relationships is get a third party involved. When you rely on a therapist experienced in polyamory and sugar dating, you’ll be able to talk freely and come to a solution more quickly than on your own.
Are you interested in pursuing your own open or poly sugar relationships?
There are so many potential benefits to pursuing an open relationship with sugar partners. But anyone entering the world of poly sugar dating should be ready for setting guidelines and ironing out details in order to ensure happier, healthier connections.
Now that we’ve talked about how to pursue your ideal open dynamic, set boundaries, and navigate conflict, how do you feel about pursuing poly sugar relationships in your own dating practice?