How to Recognize Signs He Wants to Marry You

Is he showing signs that he wants to marry you? Or are you in a relationship that may never progress to something more? It’s a difference that a lot of people struggle to identify. And if you’re interested in getting married, you may worry about wasting time with someone who doesn’t share your goals.

In this article, we’re going to talk about 6 of the most important ways that a man will show that he not only loves and cares for you, but also that he intends to stick around for life. We’ll also talk about signs that he’s emotionally ready for marriage, because after all, it’s both his intention and his character that are important! We’ll also cover some tips for difficult conversations around defining the relationship and what to do if your ideas about the future don’t quite align.

6 signs he wants to marry you

He tells you

One of the most important and clear signs that the person you’re dating is interested in marriage is that he’ll talk to you about it. He’ll say things like, “After we’re married…” or “If you’re going to be a part of my family…” It will simply become part of your shared language to know that marriage is in the future and that he sees you as his future spouse. And, don’t get the impression that men don’t think about their wedding day! If you ask questions about what he envisions for this special day, he’ll likely be able to tell you details that he’s been daydreaming about.

He might even get more specific the closer he is to actually popping the question. For example, he might ask you questions about what kind of engagement ring you like and drop hints that he might have something big planned soon.

If, on the other hand, you are the only one who ever talks about marriage, or he gets quiet when you bring it up, that could be a sign that he’s not interested in being a husband.

He’s introduced you to his friends and family (and met yours)

Part of wanting to marry someone is integrating them into your family and social network. So, a man who sees you as a future spouse won’t hesitate to introduce you to his friends, family, and coworkers. Even more telling, when you do meet these people, they’ll already know quite a lot about you because your man tends to sing your praises when you’re not there.

There is a caveat here, of course. If your partner has a strained relationship with his family, for instance, he might not want to introduce you to them as a way to protect you or avoid conflict. This is especially true if he doesn’t have a relationship with them. But even so, someone who is serious about a future with you will still tell you about their family dynamics. In other words, even if you don’t know them, you’ll know about them.

He engages in future planning

Aside from wedding planning, someone who is interested in marrying you will have other plans for the future as well. Maybe the two of you have put together a bucket list of places in the world you want to visit together. Or, perhaps you’ve talked about buying a house or starting a family.

In general, this is more than simply planning a weekend getaway a couple of months from now or making reservations for your next anniversary. Instead, it has more to do with long-term planning.

Now, it’s important to point out that this might not be as easy to spot as you might think. Because there are plenty of people who are able to talk flippantly about the future without having real plans to make it happen. If, for instance, your partner talks about wanting to travel the world with you but then balks at the idea of opening a savings account for future travel, it’s possible that he’s engaging in passive fantasy instead of showing genuine interest and intention.

He’s making money moves (and other practical changes)

Speaking of a savings account, a man who has marriage in mind will start thinking differently about money in general. At the very least, he’ll be thinking about when the right time will be to buy a ring, as he’ll want to get you something that shows how much he cares about you. He might also start thinking about saving enough for a down payment on a house or to cover the cost of a wedding and honeymoon.

There will be other changes he’ll make to prepare for the life he envisions with you, too. You might notice that he doesn’t stay out all night with his buddies anymore because he’d rather spend the next day with you. Maybe he works harder to get that promotion than he did in the past because now he has financial goals that are important to him.

That’s, of course, not to say that a man who is interested in marriage loses his hobbies and personality completely. Rather, you might notice subtle changes that show a shift in his priorities and sense of responsibility. He’ll still do things that bring him joy, and indeed, a healthy relationship encourages individual hobbies. But, he’ll make sure that the things he does for fun don’t get in the way of the life he wants to build.

He is emotionally invested in you

It may seem like a no-brainer, but one of the most obvious signs he wants to marry you is that he is emotionally invested in you and the relationship. There are many different ways that this can look in practice, but some common signs include:

• Knowing the basics. Everything from where you were born to how many siblings you have to the most important people in your friend group, he’s going to have a good grasp on who you are as a person.
• Asking follow-up questions. He’ll be tapped into what’s going on in your life and make sure to stay up-to-date with follow-up questions. Had a big meeting at work? He’ll check in afterwards to ask you how it went. Went out to lunch with your bestie who’s going through a break-up? He’ll be ready to hear the details afterwards.
• Being happy to make accommodations for you. Maybe you noticed early on in the relationship that he emptied out a shelf for you in his medicine cabinet or learned how to cook with your dietary restrictions in mind. These accommodations are something that he’s happy to do because he wants you to feel comfortable.

Overall, he treats you as a permanent fixture in his life. He’ll not only be engaged in knowing more about you but will stay curious and tuned into what’s going on in your life.

He is working on himself

This is one of the more subtle signs he wants to marry you, but it makes a whole lot of sense. After all, when a man is complacent in his life, he doesn’t feel much of a drive to change anything. He’s content with his relationship the way it is; he doesn’t do a lot of self-reflection, and he’s just kind of skating through life.

But a man who is looking to get married will naturally start to think about what kind of man he wants to be as a husband and potentially a father.

As a result, you might notice him setting health goals for himself so that he can be a more active parent. He might start reading autobiographies of people he admires or listening to podcasts about becoming more responsible or financially conscious. When you’re at parties, you might notice him gravitating to the people he’s most inspired by, such as men who are already married and have kids. These are all subtle cues that he’s making an effort to become the best version of himself before he takes the next step to become a husband.

Green flags that let you know he’s actually ready for marriage

Clearly, it’s exciting to see the signs that he wants to marry you. But even as your partner starts showing indications that he sees you as his future spouse, your next question may be, “Is he actually ready for marriage?” So, let’s talk about a few ways that you can know that he’s not only serious about marrying you, but he’s also going to be ready for the responsibility of being your forever person.

He is a true partner

Not everyone gets married thinking of their marriage as a partnership. Instead, there are plenty of people out there who think of a spouse as a caregiver. They may assume that their spouse will do all the cooking, cleaning, and organizing of the housework and social calendar so that they can enjoy the fun parts of being married.

To be sure, there are plenty of marriages that look like this, and you may even be comfortable taking on certain roles and leaving others to your husband. But this kind of dynamic can result in burnout and exhaustion if you and your husband aren’t working as a team. Consider, for example, what would happen if you got sick and your husband suddenly had to take care of you and do chores around the house. Would they be able to step up? Or if you were to go through a particularly stressful time at work, would your partner be able and willing to take on more responsibilities?

It’s important to think carefully about how much emotional and practical support your husband is able to provide before getting married. Otherwise, you might find yourself feeling isolated within your relationship.

He takes care of himself

In a relationship, it’s entirely normal to want to take care of and dote on your partner. Maybe you enjoy making meals for him when he’s sick and making sure that he’s getting enough sleep.

But, when it comes to building a life with someone, you want to be sure he’s able to take care of himself in important ways.

Consider, for instance, how he deals with stress, something that every couple will have to deal with at a certain point. On the one hand, he may have healthy outlets for dealing with stress so that he’s not negatively affecting his family or putting his physical health at risk. This is a good sign! But the other option is that he may not know how to take care of himself during stressful moments, and will turn instead to unhealthy habits like substance use. He may become quick to anger and take out his frustrations on those closest to him.

This is not to say that you should wait to marry the perfect man who knows exactly how to handle his emotions. We’re all human, after all. But, it’s important to marry someone who knows that the way he takes care of himself, through being active, going to therapy, and having healthy outlets, will affect his family.

He’s made an effort to deal with his past

We all come to relationships with baggage, and how a man shows that he’s processed his past is an important indicator that he’s ready to build something new with you. Some signs that he’s done self-reflection and personal growth may be:

• He doesn’t talk excessively about his exes or compare you to them. You might want to consider it a red flag if your partner talks frequently about how all his exes are crazy or how you’re so much better than anyone he’s ever dated. Whether or not he’s speaking truthfully, this is an indication that he hasn’t fully processed his past relationships.
• He acknowledges his role in past conflicts and takes responsibility. It’s a good sign when someone is able to reflect on how their own behaviors have caused harm to themselves or others in the past. Whether he admits that he wasn’t always the best boyfriend or admits that he’s had some unhealthy coping mechanisms, the fact that he’s able to acknowledge his own shortcomings is an important step towards healing and growth
• He is aware of sensitivities and triggers that come from the past. Sometimes the past can linger in unexpected ways, and it’s often at the detriment of future relationships. For example, someone who was cheated on in the past may become overly jealous or controlling in their next relationship. If you’re going to marry someone, you’ll want to know that they’re aware of how their past may continue to affect them so that they can break that pattern. After all, you don’t deserve to pay for the mistakes of past partners.
• He’s forgiven people in the past who have hurt him (or at least, he’s trying.) Whether it’s an absent parent, a past partner, or someone else who caused harm, you’ll want a husband who isn’t holding onto unnecessary grudges. Being able to release pent-up anger and resentment is an important part of any healing process. Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight, but you’ll want to see that he’s at least working towards letting go of any lingering negative feelings.
• He’s worked through his past with a mental health professional. Now, we’ll say that not everyone will want to go through therapy, but consider it a green flag if your husband-to-be has taken this route. It shows a deep commitment to dealing with past problems so that they don’t put his relationships at risk.

He doesn’t shy away from conflict

It may seem obvious, but a marriage is about teamwork. And you’ll need to work together, even when you’re in the middle of a heated argument. To be sure, it’s a lot easier said than done. But there are a few characteristics that you’ll absolutely want to see in a man before marrying him to make sure that he deals well with conflict:

• Not running away from conflict. Someone uncomfortable with conflict may want to physically remove himself from the situation instead of addressing issues head-on. Whether he walks out of the house or ends the phone call without warning, this kind of avoidance is not a good sign. Instead, you’ll want to marry someone who takes disagreements seriously and puts time aside to sit down and work through the problem.
• Contributing to the conversation. Another version of avoidance is emotionally shutting down. And you may see this in one-sided arguments in which your partner doesn’t say anything or agrees with you just to make the conflict end. What you actually want is a partner who is able to contribute to finding a solution by sharing their thoughts and feelings.
• Wanting to see the other person’s perspective. Someone who is ready for marriage knows that the goal of an argument isn’t to win. Rather, it’s to come to a mutual understanding. As such, he’ll be interested in seeing things from your point of view in order to find a compromise.
• Speaking kindly, even when angry. Regardless of what you’re fighting over, there should always be a baseline of respect and care in a relationship or a marriage. That means no name-calling or cruelty in the way that he talks to you when he’s upset.
• Knowing when to take breaks. As we said, it’s easier to talk about healthy conflict resolution than actually put it into practice. And every once in a while, emotions might get out of control. That’s why it’s important to marry someone who also understands the importance of taking breaks when necessary. This doesn’t mean running away from problems or sweeping things under the rug. Instead, it means that you’ll give each other space to cool down and come back together to continue working towards a solution.

He doesn’t judge you

It’s important to marry someone who is going to boost your self-esteem, not drag it down. So, you’ll want a man who doesn’t judge you, whether it be on your cooking, your fashion, your friends, or anything else.

That being said, there is a difference between judging and being compassionately realistic. For instance, maybe your partner sees that your friend group hasn’t been treating you well recently, and it’s been affecting your well-being. He can see that every time you see them, you come home feeling bad about yourself. In this situation, he may encourage you to find friends who are kinder to you. This isn’t being judgmental, it’s simply sharing an honest opinion that has your best interest at heart.

To be sure, there’s a lot of gray area here. And in fact, there are plenty of couples who lovingly tease each other in a way that may appear judgmental from the outside. But, in general, you’ll be able to tell if your partner shares his criticism from a place of trying to bring you down versus trying to support you. And it’s the latter option that will be the kind of dynamic you want in a husband.

He wants to see you succeed

Maybe your relationship has some playful competition. You might tease each other or place bets on who makes the best pasta dish. Having this kind of whimsy and play in your relationship is important and could give you better relationship satisfaction.

That being said, when it comes to more serious matters, you want a partner who isn’t going to compete with you, but rather support you on your road to success. Whether you’re chasing your dream of going back to school or you’ve accomplished a goal that you had your heart set on for many years, his first thought shouldn’t be, “Well, how is this going to affect me?” or “This is going to make me look bad.” Instead, he should be thrilled that he has a partner who is goal-oriented and motivated. This shows that he values you as a person and wants the best for you.

He “yes ands” you

Being in a healthy relationship is a little bit like being part of an improv team, and a man who is serious about marrying you will be ready to step into his role. When you say you’re ready to leave a party early, he’ll say, “Yes, and let’s get takeout on the way home.” When you complain about a colleague undermining you, he’ll say, “That’s ridiculous, and I can see how hard you’ve been working.” This is exaggerated, of course. Your partner won’t always agree with or encourage you. But the general feeling will be that this man has your back.

He knows how to put others first when necessary

No one should put their own needs aside to make others happy. That’s not a sustainable or healthy way to be in a marriage. But it is important that the man you marry be able to prioritize the needs of his family at key moments.

This is especially true when marrying someone who wants to have kids, as there will be many moments in which he’ll have to put the needs or desires of his children over his own. Whether that means interrupted sleep, sharing food, watching family-friendly movies, and much more, you’ll want to be sure that you’re married to someone who is able to put his children first.

How to talk to your partner about marriage

Maybe, after seeing the signs he wants to marry you and considering whether he’s ready for marriage, you’re still not sure if things are moving in the direction you want. One of the best things that you can do for yourself is to clarify. After all, you don’t want to spend months or years of your life with someone hoping that they’ll come around to the idea of marriage. Instead, it’s better to face it head-on and make sure that you two are on the same page.

To be sure, bringing up the idea of marriage can be scary, but here are a few ways that you can make it easier:

Land on the right time

You might find that a man who is ready for marriage will want to start talking about it pretty early on in your relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you should start grilling him on when you’re getting married on your first date.

As a rule of thumb, it’s a good idea to start having general conversations about what he wants in the future, whether it be a marriage, kids, a world traveling partner, a long-term partner without marriage, etc., within the first few dates. This will ensure that you’re both interested in something long-term and committed. From there, you’ll want to give it a few weeks or months until you start talking about your future rather than a general future.

If these early talks never happened, don’t panic. You should still have the conversation even if you’ve been dating for years so that you can get clarity. In this case, you’ll want to consider timing more in terms of bringing up the conversation when the two of you are not around friends or otherwise distracted.

Start with curiosity

Talking about getting married doesn’t have to be overly dramatic or serious. Instead, you can start with some lighthearted questions that can open up further discussion. For example, you might ask:

• Do you like weddings? What’s the best wedding you ever went to? What was it that you enjoyed?
• Do you think marriage is important or do you think it’s overrated?
• What was something about your parent’s marriage that you admired?
• Can you see yourself getting married?
• Are there things that you think everyone should do before they get married?

Talk about your own desires for the future

Your partner may know you really well, but they still can’t read your mind. So, it’s up to you to let them know what you want for the future. One way to prevent this conversation from becoming accusatory is to talk about your own experience and feelings. For instance, instead of saying something like, “I expect you to propose to me in _____ months,” try a different approach, such as:

• “Getting married is something that I’ve always wanted for myself.”
• “Some of my goals within the next few years are to get married and start thinking about having children.”
• “I’m inspired by the way that my parents have loved each other over their 20 year marriage and I’d like to find the same kind of partnership for myself.”

As you can see, this kind of phrasing allows you to talk about your perspective and emotions without putting the other person on the defensive.

Ask what your partner sees for your future

Once you’ve made it clear what you want, there is going to have to be a moment when you ask your partner whether they want the same thing. Otherwise, they may simply hear what you’ve said without absorbing your message. So, you might ask questions like,

• “What do you think about everything I’ve said about marriage?”
• “Is getting married something that you’ve thought about for us?”
• “Do you see us starting a family together? What do you envision that looking like?”
• “What are any hesitations that you might have about getting married?”

This can be a pivotal and difficult conversation to have, but try your best to allow your partner to fully express himself. That way, you’ll know for sure whether you are with someone who shares your vision for the future.

Get more specific

Sometimes, people will agree or listen without giving much of their opinion because they see marriage as a “someday” thing. But ending this conversation without a concrete idea on when you’ll take the next step in your relationship can mean that you’re trapped in the complacent phase forever. So, even if your partner says yes they want to marry you, consider asking the following:

• By what age do you see yourself getting married?
• When would you feel comfortable starting to save for a wedding?
• What are some things that you feel like you would want to do before getting married?

These questions may feel more pushy than the conversation has been thus far. But how your partner responds will let you know where he really is when it comes to being ready for marriage.

What to do if you’re ready for marriage and your partner isn’t

Obviously, a risk of having a conversation with your partner about whether he’s ready to get married is that he could say no. Maybe he’s not ready now, or doesn’t want to think about it. Maybe he doesn’t believe in marriage.

And in this scenario, you’ll need to do some reflecting on your own to decide what your best next steps will be. Ultimately, the choice is up to you, but you’ll likely have one of the following options:

Stay with your partner until he’s ready to get married

If you’ve seen one or two signs he wants to marry you, it may have given you hope that he does intend on getting married someday. And you may feel comfortable giving the relationship more time for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re both in your early 20s and want to live a little more before getting married. Or, maybe he’s just coming out of a divorce and would be open to getting married but only after he’s had time to fully process and heal. Another option would be if he’s just getting started in his career and wants to focus on building personal wealth in order to plan a more extravagant wedding.

These are all legitimate reasons why you may accept putting the marriage plans on hold for now.

Let go of your desire to get married

If your partner has expressed that he doesn’t want to get married, it’s not wise to stick around and try to change his mind. That being said, maybe you weren’t fully sold on the idea of marriage, yourself, and can accept a relationship with him that doesn’t have that end goal. Only you are able to define what the right relationship looks like for you, and maybe you are content with a long-term relationship with him that doesn’t come with a ring.

Walk away

At the end of the day, if you really want to get married and your partner doesn’t, staying together will likely lead to resentment and pain. Instead of waiting around to see if he’ll come around or trying to force yourself to accept a relationship without hope for a wedding, it may be in your best interest to leave.

It’s a painful decision, but it could open you up to meeting someone who shows you all the signs he wants to marry you and more.

6 Signs he wants to marry you are great, but your feelings are even better

In this article, we’ve taken a deep dive into signs that men show they’re ready for marriage and how you can have tough conversations about wedding planning. But, at the end of the day, you know yourself and your relationship better than anyone! Does your partner make you feel like his future spouse? Do you know deep down that you’ll spend a lifetime together? That’s often the best indicator for whether he wants to and is ready to marry you!