Virgo Love Language: What They Really Want

Learning the Virgo love language can be a huge step towards creating more meaningful and harmonious connections with the Virgos in your life. Whether you’ve got a Virgo man whose analytical side has you second-guessing your relationship or you’re wondering how to work yourself into a Virgo woman’s rigid schedule, we’ve got the tips and tricks to help you make sense of this earth sign.

Let’s talk about what Virgos want, what they actually need, and how you can crack the code.

Before we talk about Virgo in love, let’s talk about Virgo in general

In order to understand how Virgos show up in love, it can be helpful to get to know them more generally.

Virgo season extends from August 23 to September 22, and is represented by a virginal figure holding a shaft of wheat. That’s because Virgo is the earth sign associated with harvest, which takes place in the Northern Hemisphere around the end of summer.

How does this relate to Virgo’s personality? It means that they’re grounded, responsible, meticulous, organized, and hard-working. Virgos tend to be quick-witted, and because they’re ruled by Mercury, they’re great communicators and problem-solvers. If there’s even a whiff of disorganization, poor planning, or inefficiency, a Virgo will sniff out and fix the problem (even if no one asked them to do so).

Of course, this commitment to excellence has its downsides for Virgo. This sign can be inflexible to change and overly analytical when a more emotional approach may be a better option. Their clear and direct communication can come off as abrasive, and their tendency towards anxiety can lead to burnout and isolation.

Still, Virgo is often seen as the rock of the universe, and they relish being the dependable nurturer for the people in their lives.

What Virgos want in a relationship

As an analytical sign, Virgos are pretty clear about what they want in a partner, and this tends to include characteristics like:

• Cleanliness. Virgos are likely to judge a potential partner based on the cleanliness (or lack thereof) of their apartment, car, or appearance. Virgos refuse to live in a mess, but they also don’t want to become someone’s live-in cleaner.
• Motivation. Virgos are attracted to people who are on an upward trajectory, whether in their career or personal goals.
• Stability. Earth signs that they are, Virgos value predictability and groundedness in their partners.
• Intelligence and wit. Virgos themselves are clever, and they like someone who can keep up with them in conversation.
• Independence. Even though they are deeply loyal and nurturing, Virgos aren’t interested in codependence. They like partners who can take care of themselves and “pull their weight” in the relationship.
• Collaborative spirit. Alright, what we mean by this isn’t that Virgos necessarily like to work together to solve problems. In fact, they’re quite comfortable making decisions and running the show on their own. Rather, they want a partner who sees things their way and doesn’t fight them for leadership. Indeed, a stubborn, self-serving person is not going to be a good fit for a pragmatic, solution-oriented Virgo.
• Calm rationality. Virgos aren’t likely to get involved in whirlwind romances or engage in over-the-top drama. Sure, they can be direct and a bit abrasive, but it’s not because they’re looking for a fight. Instead, they want a partner who is equally analytical and able to face challenges with grace.

As you can probably guess, characteristics that are sure to put off a Virgo include:

• Flakiness or flightyness
• Laziness
• Poor communication skills
• Stubbornness
• Selfishness
• Disorganization
• A go-with-the-flow attitude

Things that Virgos need in a relationship (that they may not even realize)

There are a few things that Virgos need from a partner that they may not even be conscious of. But tapping into this hidden Virgo love language will make all the difference in your relationship! Here’s what you can offer a Virgo that will make them obsessed with you:

Helping without being asked

Virgos typically struggle to ask for help, preferring instead to do everything themselves so that they’re not disappointed. But what Virgos often don’t want to admit is that this can lead to burnout and resentment. No one in this life can do everything on their own, not even this determined earth sign.

At the same time, they can become easily overwhelmed by everyone around them looking for direction. So, if you really want to help the Virgo in your life, don’t ask, “What can I do?” Instead, assess the situation yourself, then roll up your sleeves and do what needs to be done.

Listening to them without giving solutions

Virgos are great problem-solvers on their own, and overthinking is basically a superpower of theirs. So, if the Virgo in your life starts talking to you about a problem they have at work or a decision they’re mulling over, resist the urge to give advice. In all likelihood, they’re just looking to vent or strategize their next move with the help of a sounding board.

If you’d like, you can ask them gently, “Are you looking for advice or do you just need to get it out of your system?”

Being consistent

This zodiac sign is one of the most reliable people you’ll ever meet. And secretly, they want others in their life to be as dependable as they are. Again, even though Virgos may give the impression that they’re independent and analytical, they’ll swoon for someone who consistently shows them care and affection. From checking in with them to bringing them their favorite coffee to showing up on time, consistency is a central Virgo love language.

Allowing them to show their emotional side

Despite their love of Excel sheets and tight scheduling, Virgos are big old softies inside. They have an emotional side that they only tap into when they feel safe. So, they’ll need a partner who encourages them to open up. In fact, they may even need someone who is prodding and persistent to make sure they’re not holding anything in.

Reminding them that sometimes done is better than perfect

By no means should you ever tell a Virgo, “It’s good enough as it is, give it a break.” Because you’ll likely send them into a perfectionism spiral. But this star sign does well to have someone who can temper their tendency to overwork themselves for their own impossibly high standards.

Some ways that you can help a Virgo in their moment of “doing too much” could be to say:

• Would it help to take a break and come back with fresh eyes?
• Can I take over for you for a little while so you can relax?
• Is it possible that you’re being too hard on yourself?
• Can I remind you that your loved ones are proud of you even when you’re not putting in 100% effort?
• Are you sacrificing your own needs in order to get this done?

These gentle reminders are little love letters to a Virgo who might not know how to take breaks, give up control, or even know when their job is finished. Having someone who can let them know when they’re veering into unhealthy perfectionism can be life-changing for this determined star sign.

Giving them an outlet for their wild side

Another common misconception about Virgos is that they’re too uptight and regimented to have a little fun. That couldn’t be farther from the truth! In the right environment, Virgos love to show their wild side. It just takes learning how to make them feel comfortable and relaxed enough to let their guard down.

To be sure, every Virgo is different. For some, exploring their wild side might come in the form of intensely competitive board game nights. For others, it will be taking Salsa dancing lessons. Or, for many Virgos, the time to let their hair down is in the bedroom. As long as they feel supported and safe, a Virgo will surprise you with how much fun they can have (and provide for others!)

Taking a step back so they can do it their way

Because Virgos are so thoughtful and meticulous, they often have a very specific way that they like to do things. And you can bet that they’ve created their habits after months or years of research and trial and error. If a Virgo acts like their way is the best way, well, we hate to break it to you, but it probably is.

That’s not to say that Virgos are totally unyielding or close-minded. They can compromise and learn new things. But they do well with a partner who can understand and validate the effort that went into their lifestyle. And, more often than not, they’ll appreciate someone who can either step aside and let them do it or adapt to their methods.

Other factors at play when dating a Virgo

Maybe you’re reading through this article thinking, “Well, a lot of this tracks, but it’s not 100% accurate to the Virgo in my life.” And that’s because there are a few factors that can influence a Virgo’s personality in romance, such as:

Whether they were born in August or September

Exactly when a Virgo is born during Virgo season can impact how the sign manifests in their personality.

August Virgos, on the one hand, tend to be more outgoing, direct, and unafraid of the spotlight. They have all the Virgo qualities of organization and precision, while also being confident enough to lead.

September Virgos, on the other hand, are the more subdued of the two. They lean more heavily into their calm, nurturing qualities and just want groundedness and order. They tend to be slightly better communicators and foster deep emotional bonds with the right people. And while they’re still going to be highly dedicated to executing plans and problem-solving, much of it will be done out of the spotlight.

Their full birth chart

If you really want to get to know the Virgo in your life, you’ll need to learn their full birth chart. This includes not only their Virgo Sun sign, but also their Moon and Rising signs. These additional signs, which are determined by the exact time you were born, give more insight into a person’s inner world.

There are even more layers to explore here, including the ruling planets and houses. But for starters, the big three can be very helpful for understanding your Virgo on a deeper level.

Who they’re paired with

We are all influenced in part by our environment. And the elements of a Virgo’s personality that are brought out or suppressed have a lot to do with the star sign of their partner.

For example, a Virgo in a relationship with a Sagittarius may appear even more bossy, anxious, and rigid than usual because they’re attempting to bring order to a star sign that is naturally wild and free.

But when paired with a decisive, steadfast sign like Taurus or Scorpio, Virgo may be able to relax enough to express their emotional, fun-loving side.

How Virgos navigate conflict

Even in the most harmonious of couplings, very few relationships are conflict-free. And knowing how Virgo responds to disagreements or misunderstandings can help you navigate these moments more successfully. Here are a few things to know about Virgo in conflict:

They’re not natural fighters

As earth signs, Virgos strive for harmony and peace, which means that they’re not going to rock the boat for no reason. So, if the Virgo in your life is upset, face the problem head-on.

Their analytical side might take over

As problem-solvers, Virgos can go inward when they’re thinking through a complex issue. So, you may need to give them some time to gather their thoughts.

Their analytical side may also come off as harsh or critical, but remember that Virgos aren’t ones to make a statement that they can’t back up with evidence. And, they won’t share anything that they feel isn’t necessary to resolve the conflict. Still, you can remind them to be a bit more delicate when they’re laying out the facts.

Deep down, they’re sensitive

Because of their need for order and calm, conflict is deeply troubling to a Virgo. And they often take on a lot of guilt and self-criticism when their relationship hits a rough patch. So, as you move through difficult conversations, they’ll appreciate reminders that conflict isn’t the end of the world. It will also be helpful to focus on possible solutions rather than harping on the negative.

There’s even more to learn about Virgo love language!

We’ve covered a lot of information in this article about how Virgos show up in relationships. But the fact is, you won’t really understand the subtleties of this complex star sign until you spend time with one yourself!

Now that you know more about Virgo love language, you’re ready to get up close and personal to this empathic, nurturing, intelligent earth sign!