What is a Dry Spell in Relationships or Dating?

A dry spell in relationships or dating refers to a prolonged period with little to no sexual activity. This can occur both in committed partnerships and for people seeking romantic or physical connections.

Definitions and Context

A dry spell can arise in various scenarios, including within long-term relationships or during phases of singleness. In some cases, it might reflect emotional or physical disconnection between partners, while in others, it could stem from external factors like personal stress, health, or changes in life circumstances.

Duration and Demographic Variation

The duration of dry spells varies widely based on factors such as age and cultural context. Research indicates that baby boomers and Gen Xers have experienced the longest dry spells, with gaps of up to 12 years and 24 years, respectively. Millennials, contrastingly, reported shorter averages, with the longest stretch being one month for many, although some reported dry spells lasting up to nine years. European men and women, as well as American women, reported two weeks of sexual inactivity on average, compared to an average of about one month for American men.

Timing and Onset in Relationships

The onset of dry spells tends to differ by generation. Millennials reported encountering these periods approximately two years into their relationships, which is more than twice as early as baby boomers, who reported dry spells beginning around the five-year mark. Gen Xers fell between these age groups, commonly identifying the onset of dry spells around 3.5 years into their partnerships.

Emotional Impact and Coping Mechanisms

Dry spells can lead to feelings of sadness, self-consciousness, and diminished self-esteem. Survey data suggest that more than half of the participants felt sad about being sexually inactive, while over a third reported feeling unattractive. Women were slightly more likely than men to internally attribute responsibility for these periods. Open communication with a partner is one of the most effective strategies in addressing this issue. Over 40 percent of men and women indicated that having candid discussions with their partners about sexual needs and expectations helped to break a dry spell. Some also reported exploring new sexual activities with their partner as another way to rekindle intimacy.

Gender and Cultural Differences

Tolerance for dry spells varies between genders and across cultural contexts. In Europe, 17 percent of women stated that physical intimacy played such a vital role that prolonged absence justified ending the relationship. In the United States, this percentage was much lower, with 93 percent of women reporting they would not let a lack of sex lead to a breakup. Men were more likely to remain in relationships regardless of gender or region, with over 86 percent expressing a willingness to weather periods without intimacy with their partner.

Impact of Hookup Culture

Modern dating norms may contribute to earlier and more frequent dry spells. Millennials often drift apart physically much sooner than prior generations, possibly reflecting a broader shift in sexual habits within their relationships. These patterns, unique to younger demographics, show how generational differences influence the length and occurrence of dry periods.

Strategies to End a Dry Spell

In addition to communication, some respondents reported attempting to lower their standards when dating to exit a single dry spell. Among European men, 37 percent admitted they would relax their preferences, compared to 22 percent of women. In the United States, a higher percentage of men (47 percent) were willing to compromise on standards, while only 16 percent of women expressed a similar willingness.

Other strategies included re-engaging in activities fostering emotional or physical connection, and addressing external stresses or conflicts that may have contributed to the sexual inactivity. In committed relationships, incorporating novelty or change, such as trying new sexual practices, was also reported as a successful method for breaking through long-standing periods of intimacy loss.

Conclusions from Research Data

These dry spells are not uncommon and occur across all age groups, although younger people are likely to experience these periods earlier in their relationships. While they can lead to emotional and relational challenges, many people employ personal or relational strategies to navigate this phase effectively, often finding ways to strengthen bonds and rekindle physical connections.