What is Paperclipping?

Paperclipping is when a former romantic partner, or someone with whom you had a brief romantic or dating connection, contacts you again after a long period of no communication. This contact is often casual, brief, and lacks any clear intent or commitment. The messages can appear random and may leave the recipient feeling confused or uncertain about what the sender wants.

Origin

The word paperclipping comes from Clippy, the animated paperclip assistant found in old versions of Microsoft Office. Clippy would unexpectedly appear and offer help. The behavior is named after this, as it describes a person who reappears unexpectedly after disappearing for a while.

Common Signs of Paperclipping

Irregular Messages

A person who engages in paperclipping will often reach out with messages that seem friendly but have no real follow-up. There can be weeks or months between these messages. The lack of regular communication is typical.

No Future Plans

Someone who paperclips avoids making firm plans to meet or talk more. They say things like "We should catch up," but they do not set a date or continue the conversation toward real plans.

Mixed Signals

The person may be affectionate or seem interested for a brief moment. Soon after, they return to being distant or silent. This change can be confusing and makes it hard to understand their intentions.

Excuses When Asked

If questioned about their sporadic behavior, a paperclipper may respond with vague reasons for not keeping in touch. The reasons are often not clear or concrete, so it remains difficult to know what they truly want.

Emotional Effects

Being paperclipped can lead to strong emotional reactions. Each time the person returns and reaches out, it can raise hopes or renew feelings, even if only for a short period. When they disappear again, this pattern can cause feelings of confusion, uncertainty, and even a low mood. People may feel stuck, unsure if they should keep waiting for a real connection or move on for good.

Expert Opinions

Wendy Walsh, who is trained in psychology, explains that paperclipping is often a way for someone to keep a line of contact open. She suggests the sender wants to know you are still available but does not really want a serious connection at this time.

Shan Boodram, who works with relationship topics, says small acts of paperclipping happen with many people. Still, it can cause problems if one of the people involved is hoping for a deeper or more committed relationship. If both do not feel the same way, the behavior can cause emotional discomfort.

Comparison with Similar Behaviors

Paperclipping is often set alongside other dating trends. For example, breadcrumbing involves sending frequent, but shallow, messages or signals to keep someone interested without wanting a real relationship. Unlike breadcrumbing, which is ongoing, paperclipping involves long gaps with sudden, casual contact. Orbiting is another trend, where someone continues to view your online posts without communicating with you. Paperclipping is more direct, since it involves actual contact, but is still noncommittal.

Examples

A common example is when a person you dated in the past suddenly sends a message months later, such as "How have you been?" or "Saw something that reminded me of you." There is no mention of unresolved issues or interest in meeting, and after one or two messages, the person goes silent again. This leaves the recipient unsure whether they should respond or expect more.

On social media, people often share stories of being contacted by an ex-partner at random times with no clear purpose. Many say these contacts serve only to check if the recipient is still interested or available.

Research and Opinions

Online content about paperclipping shows that this pattern can affect mood and self-image. People who are paperclipped describe feeling anxious about what to expect and uncertain whether they are being valued. Some experts see paperclipping as a form of emotional control, as it uses the hope or curiosity of the recipient to maintain contact with no intention of a true relationship.

Tips for Managing Paperclipping

It helps to spot signs of paperclipping early. Notice long gaps between contact, no clear plans, and mixed behavior. Do not invest emotionally unless clear intentions and meaningful actions are shown. Setting clear boundaries and stating what you want from communication can help. If you feel confused or hurt after contact, consider if it is better to limit or end further exchanges with the person.

Other Contexts

While the term is most used in dating, similar patterns can show up in friendship or work settings. However, the emotional toll is often greater in romantic connections since past feelings may make it harder to gain closure or move forward.

Online Resources

Websites and videos about paperclipping often give advice for spotting this pattern and protecting your emotions. Many recommend open communication and not responding to vague contact unless the person gives a clear reason for reaching out again.

Summary

Paperclipping is when someone who was once a romantic interest reaches out unexpectedly after a long time, usually with messages that are casual and without follow-through. The behavior can be confusing and draining for the person on the receiving end. Recognizing the signs and making choices that protect your emotional comfort are helpful ways to respond.