Adopting a Rescue Pet Together Strengthened Our Arrangement

They say that you shouldn’t have kids together to save a marriage. But…no one ever said anything about adopting a dog to save a sugar relationship. And after three with Max, we can be the first to say that getting a dog together really was the best thing for us.

Let me introduce myself as Max’s mom, Jamie. Yes, I do call myself a Dog Mom. If you don’t like it, well, neither does my sugar daddy, Rick. But he puts up with it (and let’s be honest, he secretly loves it.)

I met Rick online. I had recently moved to the city where we live now, and I was honestly having a rough go of a time. I was bogged down with my badly-paid restaurant job and too exhausted to get out there and make friends. I had tried the dating apps and been burned by mediocre man after mediocre man. So, I said, “What the heck,” and made a profile on a sugar dating website.

Rick was the first guy on the sugar daddy app who was someone that I could actually see myself with. He was (and is) unbelievably funny and quick-witted. We had teasing, playful banter right out the gate. He was a total extrovert, which was very attractive for someone like me who was struggling to make friends. And he loved animals. Green flags all around.

But, as I said, I was not in the best moment of my life. I’ve since learned that moving anywhere takes about a year to get settled in, but at the time, I just felt like kind of a failure. Rick was the only bright moment of my week, most weeks, and that’s not a good thing for a new relationship. I think he got kind of burnt out early on by my constant complaining. And I know that I acted kind of crazy whenever he would ask to reschedule. I would sulk when it was time for him to leave. I texted him during the week even though I knew he was too busy to respond. And then I would act chilly when he wouldn’t text back.

I was acting childish; it makes me cringe when I think about it now. Thankfully, I’ve since started seeing a therapist, and we’ve talked about how my behaviors were a cry for help. I was lonely, and I resented Rick for having his own full, satisfying life separate from mine.

About five months into our relationship, Rick and I were bickering a lot, and he was threatening to break up. Once, the morning after we had spent the night together at his place, I got the feeling that he was ushering me out. He reminded me that he was meeting up with a friend for lunch and that he’d need to start getting ready.

“Are you about ready for me to order you a car?” He said, politely.

I had overstayed my welcome, and instead of swallowing my humble pie, I got an attitude with him. I think I said something about maybe someday he’d set aside a whole weekend for us to be together.

It was the breaking point, I think. Rick said something like, “You know, the more normal thing would be for you to make your own friends so that you’re not so attached to your sugar daddy.”

Ouch.

As I was storming out, I said something like, “Maybe I should just get a dog. It would be better company than you.”

And instead of being offended by that, he said, “I think that would probably be a pretty good idea, actually.”

Ouch, again.

As soon as I got in the Uber, I knew he was right. Of course, he was right.

On a whim, I asked the driver to drop me off three blocks before my stop, where I knew there was an animal shelter. I truly don’t know where the idea came from. I just suddenly remembered that the shelter was there and thought, “Why don’t I go sign up to become a volunteer?”

And that’s when my life really changed. The girl at reception helped me fill out an application, but she said that I would probably be approved that very same day when her boss came in that afternoon. It was a small shelter, and they needed help as soon as possible.

I got a call that very same day and came in for orientation. They put me straight to work taking the dogs on walks, and that’s when I met Max.

At the time, Max was a year and a half. He’s some kind of a mix between a pitbull and a shepherd, but he looks like a collie, and he acts like a couch potato most of the time.

There was just something that clicked with Max and me. It was like meeting “the one.”

But I was hesitant. My apartment was fine for a dog; I knew that I would pass the application process. And I certainly had the time and energy to put into taking care of and training Max. But it’s not like I was making a ton of money, and vet bills plus food plus supplies seemed out of range for me.

I walked home with my head full of thoughts about how I might make it work with Max. I wasn’t even thinking about Rick until I saw a package had been delivered from him. It was a care package, complete with bath salts, candles, chocolate, and a face mask. There was a card that said, “I was being an ass. You’re wonderful, and you’re going to find your footing soon. There are two face masks in here. If you want company, call me.”

For the first time in our relationship, I didn’t actually want Rick to come over. Not until I had given myself time to think about whether I could conceivably find a way to adopt Max. I sent Rick a thank-you text and told him I just needed a night alone. I think he was surprised and maybe even a little bit happy for me.

By the time of our next date the following week, I had my plan fully formed. I called Rick and asked if he would like to come around to go for a walk with me. Without telling him, I swung him by the animal shelter and picked Max up for a walk, as I had been doing every day since I first started volunteering. The girls at the shelter knew what was up. They had seen a girl fall in love with her soul dog before.

Rick was shocked and had a big grin on his face.

“You know I was kidding about the dog thing, right? Did you start volunteering here just to make me feel worse?”

I gave him a playful punch on the arm and introduced him to Max.

“Honestly, Rick, I think you flipped a switch in me. I didn’t realize how much I was closing myself off. I’m already starting to make friends with the girls at the shelter. I have a coffee date with a girl I met at the dog park. I’ve started saying hello to people in my building. I think this is a turning point. And Max is going to be a big part of that…if, that is, you’ll help me out a little bit.”

And that’s when I told Rick about my plan. Basically, I wanted my allowance to start being used for pet insurance, food, and a dog walker for when I was at work. A few things about our relationship would have to change as well, at least for the time being, while Max was getting acclimated: no overnight stays at his house, more advanced notice for out-of-town trips so I could arrange for a pet sitter, things like that.

Rick stooped down to talk directly to Max, “Just so you know, you’re about to be the most spoiled, luckiest dog on the planet. And I expect you to take good care of this girl.”

As it turned out, I might have found Max, but he quickly became our dog. Now, Rick was the one asking to come over to see me and wanting to attend Max’s training sessions. We started planning trips around whether we could find pet-friendly hotels and activities.

It wasn’t always easy, of course. Max was in his terrible teenage phase and had separation anxiety that took months to work through. But it was like his naughty behavior gave Rick and me something to bond over, a shared challenge that we could work through together. Rick complimented me frequently on how committed a pet parent I was. And I appreciated every time he helped out. Max clearly saw him as another family member, and it brought the three of us together.

But I have to say that it wasn’t having a dog together that fixed the problems in our relationship. It was the fact that Max opened up my world in a way that made me less dependent on Rick. I now had friends of my own that I met because of Max. I had a volunteer gig that I loved and gave me a sense of purpose. I came out of my shell. And all of that took off so much pressure from my relationship with Rick.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, Rick, and Max. I imagine that the three of us will continue to be peas in a pod for as long as we’re lucky enough to have Max with us. I’m just taking things one walkie at a time.