Breaking Down Barriers: The Surprising Transformation of My Sugar Arrangement into a True Friendship

When I first became a sugar baby, my friends were a little weirded out by the whole thing. But, then, they saw that I had enough money to start buying rounds when we would go out and take them shopping, and there was even that one time that we all went sailing on my sugar daddy’s boat.

But, I started to notice that, for them, this was a purely transactional experience. Like, in their eyes, my sugar daddy was nothing more than a Cash App in human form. So, when I would say that I couldn’t hang out with them because I had plans with my sugar daddy or I would go home early because my sugar daddy was picking me up the next morning, they would get upset with me.

And things really got uncomfortable when they started to suggest that I put extra pressure on my sugar daddy. One example is that one time, I knew he was going to take me out to a nice restaurant, and my friends were like, “Just order a ton of food and then say that you feel sick and want to get it to-go so that we can have a movie night and share the leftovers.” That felt really toxic to me, like, I knew how much my sugar daddy had been looking forward to this night, and it was not easy to get a reservation. At that point, I had realized that I genuinely cared for Rod and wasn’t just using him to cushion my life.

When I told my friends, they got offended and things were kind of different after that. I don’t know. I was feeling really down, and I actually talked to my sugar daddy about it.

He told me that this wasn’t the first time that a sugar baby had expressed the same kind of thing before and that it was kind of normal for people outside of the relationship to see it as fake or shallow. He had also had problems with friends of his in the past who knew he had a sugar baby and would say rude things like, “Hey, when you’re tired of her, give me her number” and things like that.

“People just don’t really get it,” he told me. “And hey, I can’t say that I fully get it from your perspective either because I’m not in your shoes. I can only share what it’s like for me. But, if you want, I’d be happy to give you the phone number of someone I dated in the past, if you ever wanted to talk to someone.”

At first, that felt weird, but to be honest, I was kind of desperate to talk to someone about it who could understand. So, I went ahead and called my sugar daddy’s ex!

It turned out, Kay, the ex, was super understanding and cool (to the point that it even made me feel a little bit jealous!) She also clocked that immediately and made sure to set the record straight, “Look, I know this is kind of weird because I used to date Rod, but trust me, we weren’t great for each other. I think he’s a great guy, but I was way too high-strung for him and we drove each other nuts. From what he’s said about you, it seems like you guys are a much better match.”

With my ego properly placated, we were able to talk about what I had been going through with my friends. And she understood immediately.

“The amount of times that my so-called friends wanted me to steal his credit card number or convince him to get five extra tickets to whatever event we were going to, it was infuriating. I had to cut some people out of my life. Like, hello, this is a real person I’m dating, not an ATM. He has feelings and also, and I have my own morals. I’m not just going to use someone for their money.”

It was honestly such a relief to hear that I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t believe what I was hearing from my friends.

“Look,” she said, “You’re really young. And that means that your friends are going to be selfish. It’s just how it is. They don’t see anyone over the age of 30 as a real person yet. And the only reason that you do is because you have a genuine connection with one. Well, I don’t know, maybe you’re also just really emotionally mature for your age. But either way, it’s good that you’re not buying into the pressure of trying to scam your sugar daddy because that’s a real fast way to lose a sugar daddy, let me tell you. And, in the meantime, while you’re waiting for your friends to grow up—and I think you can also give them some grace and patience; you don’t have to cut them out necessarily—don’t feel weird about getting closer to Rod or making friends with other sugar babies. It doesn’t make you weak. Like, sure, be careful about not catching romantic feelings. But, if you enjoy spending time with Rod, or you ever want to go out for a coffee sometime with me, you should.”

Kay's words were so much more helpful than I think she realized. I was still kind of pissed at my friends, but I understood them better, too. Like, of course, they didn’t think twice about trying to squeeze all the money out of Rod as much as possible. They didn’t see him as a real person. So, I gave them a pass, but I did have to set some strong boundaries. I let them know that I wouldn’t be taking any kind of suggestions for how I should manage my sugar relationship. And I told them that I wouldn’t be sharing my earnings with them either, but I would be happy to help them become sugar babies if they were really interested. Most of them got quiet about it after that.

And once that business was settled, I allowed myself to lean into getting to know Rod as a person. Luckily, we were past the initial awkward phase and I felt like I could be myself with him. I also started suggesting date ideas, often ones that wouldn’t fall into the typical sugaring category. Like, instead of taking me out on the yacht, I asked if he wanted to go fishing some time. Another time, we stayed in and made pizzas.

Rod and I enjoyed a solid friendship (with sugar) for about three years. By that time, he had met most of my friends and had even gone out with us once or twice (during which, one time I came back from the restroom to hear my friend drunkenly saying, “You know what Rod, we used to think you were just some old billionaire lizard man but you’re not. You’re like a real cool guy,” so I guess they came around to the fact that he was, in fact, a human.)

And, I also kept up my friendship with Kay, although of course, I didn’t see her as much as I saw Rod. The two of them had decided not to stay friends after they broke up, but Rod respected that I needed a friend in the sugaring world who could understand and give me advice. That was the nice thing about Rod. He truly wanted what was best for me. And those are the kinds of friendships that are worth having.