The Sugar Daddy Who Co‑Signed My First Lease and Taught Me Tenant Rights

I’m not the kind of person who feels comfortable standing up for myself. Conflict of any kind really freaks me out, and I try to avoid it as much as possible. A person cutting me in line at the coffee shop? Please, go right ahead. Someone bumps into me in a crowded bar? So sorry, my fault!

I wish that I could be the kind of bold woman who never gets walked all over. But, I’m not. And in fact, when I was thinking of becoming a sugar baby, a lot of my friends really worried that I wouldn’t have the strength to keep myself out of bad relationships.

I understood their concerns, and they were right. I was not in a great position to say no to agreements that were not right for me. But, luckily, my first ever sugar daddy was Scott. And he completely changed the way I see myself and the world.

Scott is an attorney, but he’s not some hot-shot lawyer obsessed with winning one over on everyone who tries to cross him. He’s a decent, kind person who tries to do what’s right. That doesn’t mean, though, that he has any tolerance for anyone who tries to take advantage of him or his clients, either.

And when I met Scott, I think he could see that I was struggling to stand up for myself. We talked about it on our very first date, and I told him that I had always had some problems with confidence.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you that, though,” I countered.

Scott stopped me right there.

“I see a woman who is sweet, shy, and honest. You don’t have to be ashamed about that. In fact, it’s an asset in a lot of scenarios. You’re trustworthy. People feel instantly at ease around you, at least I do. Not a lot of people can say that. Sure, it means that you have to be extra cautious about identifying people who are going to try to take advantage of that. But protecting yourself is something that you can learn; you don’t have to think about it as some inherent thing.”

I was totally taken aback. No one had ever explained my personality as an asset.

Scott knew that this was my first sugar relationship, so he gave me plenty of time to think about what kind of relationship would work for me and how we could go about setting up an allowance and coordinating dates.

We saw each other for a few months, and things were going really well. The problem was, though, that I lived in a very sketchy neighborhood pretty far outside of the city. It was the only thing I could afford at the time. And Scott was becoming increasingly worried about my safety when he sent me home after our dates.

“I’m trying to look for something else, but I haven’t been very successful,” I said, embarrassed.

Scott asked me about my budget and my credit, and a few questions about the kinds of living arrangements I would be open to.

“How about this?” he said. “Let’s look for some places together. If I go with you, they’ll be more likely to give you a fair deal. It’s not fair, but it’s the way of the world. People suddenly get honest when they’re around a lawyer. And if you find something you like, I’ll be your co-signer.”

I told him that I would have to think about it since it was such a big thing that he would be doing for me. In addition to not standing up for myself, you can see that I’m also not so comfortable with people standing up for me, either.

“Sleep on it,” he said. “I’ll start putting my feelers out for rentals in the meantime.”

Cut to the very next week, and I was standing in the living room of my dream apartment. It was within walking distance to the institute where I was studying to be an aesthetician, and it had lots of natural light. It was honestly gorgeous and a huge step up from where I had been living.

I tried to keep my excitement from being too obvious, but I was having a hard time. Luckily, Scott was standing between me and the leasing agent who was showing us the place, and he was cool as a cucumber, asking practical questions about utilities and whether there was laundry on site.

I was ready to put in an application right away, but Scott stepped in and told the agent we would take a day to think about it and get in touch. I started freaking out because the agent said not to take too long, that he was showing the place to another couple before the end of the day. But Scott didn’t look phased in the least.

We got back in the car, and Scott drove us to a coffee shop down the street. I asked why he had been so standoffish to the agent, and he said, “Katie, we’re in a really good position. You’ve got good credit. You’ve got a solid co-signer. The only thing that being too eager can do at this point is make them more likely to try to scam you. It’s better not to rush and let them think that we have other options.”

“I don’t want other options. I love that place.”

Scott smiled. “I know you do, but let’s make sure it’s as good as it looks. Let’s submit the application and see what we’re dealing with in terms of the lease.”

Apparently, Scott was not happy with the terms of the lease agreement. He said that there were a few phrases written in that would allow the landlord to make changes before the end of the lease term, which was unacceptable. And that he didn’t like seeing that the renter was going to be responsible for all damages, including normal wear and tear.

“Well,” I said, still terrified at the thought of losing my dream apartment. “Let’s push back on the thing about making changes to the lease. But I’m actually okay with doing my own maintenance and repair, at least for most things.”

“I know you’re the kind of person to fix little things around the house, but it’s really not your responsibility,” he reminded me. “Plus, what are you going to do if it’s a major problem, like a flood? That’s not a bill you want to be footed with, trust me. Don’t worry, I’ll reach out to them and let them know our concerns. I don’t think it will be a problem once they realize we’re not just going to sign whatever they put in front of us.”

In that moment, I realized how lucky I was to have someone like Scott to trust with this kind of stuff. And he was right, they sent a revised contract that was fair.

A month later, I was fully moved into my new place and making Scott a dinner of shrimp scampi in a brand new cast-iron pot that he had given me as a housewarming gift.

As we sat down and raised a glass to new beginnings, Scott brought up something a little bit more serious.

“I have something I need to share with you,” he said, scooching his chair closer to mine.

I asked him to rip the band-aid off, trying to use humor to cover up my panic.

“These last months with you have been lovely, and I think you’re an amazing young woman. You’re on track to creating a life that you love, with friends and new experiences. And before I tell you the next part, I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you in my life. Because I absolutely do, and I want to be here for anything you need, whether it’s like this, finding an apartment, applying for jobs, or really anything.”

“You’re breaking up with me.”

“I’ve met someone, and I want to see where it goes romantically with this person. She knows about you. She knows that I plan on continuing to have you in my life. But I think we should change the nature of our relationship. I think we should make this into more of a mentorship dynamic. Unless you don’t want that, I would completely understand.”

At first, I didn’t know how to feel. I was a little bit hurt, but also kind of relieved? And happy for Scott? And happy that he wanted to mentor me. And worried about what it would be like to look for another sugar daddy who could be as good to me as him.

It was like he read my mind because he said, “I don’t know if you want another sugar daddy, but I’m hoping that maybe you can let me help you vet someone new. Since I was your first, I think I should warn you that they’re not all like me, and you’ll need to be a little bit more discerning and, well, confident about what you want.”

Looking back, I’ve come such a long way since the person that I was when I first met Scott. I still try to avoid conflict when I can. But I’m more self-assured, less afraid to make waves. And whenever I’m feeling unsure about something, I have the good fortune of being able to send Scott a message and get his input. These days, though, I don’t need his guidance nearly as much as I used to.