How My Sugar Daddy Helped Me Navigate the Complexities of International Law

I didn’t necessarily want to come back to the United States when I did, but I felt like it was my only option. I had gone through a nasty separation from my husband in Panama, and life was becoming so miserable that my mom (who hadn’t traveled outside the US a day in her life) got on a plane to come visit me and convince me to move back home.

Leaving my life in Panama after having been there for eight years was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I was leaving too suddenly to be able to take my dog, Chelsea, and all I could do was hold her in my arms and promise that I would come back for her. I also left most of my clothes and belongings. And I left the moderately successful business that my ex and I had started together.

I had lived my entire adult life outside the US, and coming back as a 28-year-old was like a reverse culture shock. For a couple of weeks, all I could do was mope around the house and take my parents’ dog, Cookie, for walks in my pajamas. I didn’t call old friends from high school. I didn’t respond to messages from my friends back in Panama. I was totally paralyzed.

Then, during one of my meandering walks with Cookie, I got a call from David. David was a sugar daddy I had dated before meeting my husband. In fact, I broke up with him when my husband proposed, and David sent us one of the loveliest gifts for our wedding (it hit me with a pang that I may never see that set of porcelain baking dishes again.)

It had been a long time since I had talked to him, so his call came as a surprise.

“You know, I had always checked in on your social media from time to time just to make sure you were okay. And when I saw that you hadn’t posted in a while, I thought maybe I would just call to check in. So, is everything okay?”

I started crying over the phone, which was more of a release of emotions than I had been able to access during the weeks I had been back. I told him through sobs what had happened.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” he told me with a touching amount of sympathy, “I assume that you’re going through all the legal process now?”

I started to cry harder.

“It’s all just so overwhelming,” I told him. “I don’t know where to start. I don’t know who to talk to or who to hire. All I’ve been able to do for the past two weeks is just, I don’t know, survive on autopilot.”

David took a moment to process that and then said, “I want to help.”

It was like someone had finally flipped a switch that brought me back to life.

“Okay,” I told him. “Later you can tell me how I can thank you. But for now, tell me what I can do.”

Finding the right legal team

David made it clear that my first priority was finding legal representation. He suggested that I submit the divorce filings from the US and then go through the process of exequatur so that the divorce could be legally recognized in Panama.

I told him that I had some money saved up, but not nearly enough to cover the cost of an international divorce. I asked whether it would be better for me to just go back to Panama in order to do everything a little bit cheaper there.

“What would you do if money were no option?” David asked me.

I told him I would stay and try to start building my new life here.

“Then that’s what you’ll do,” he said simply. “Don’t worry about the money.”

Now I guess I should mention that David is extremely wealthy and generous. In fact, when it came time to break up with him, I wondered whether I really did want to marry my ex and leave the good thing I had going with David. Ultimately, I chose the traditional option, and here I was running back to David’s unbelievable generosity.

With his encouragement, I found a local attorney who specialized in international divorce, and having someone with that much experience was like a weight off my shoulders. I told my new lawyer that my ideal outcome would be to walk away with only enough money to cover the cost of his legal fees so that I could pay David back and take care of my dog. I didn’t want anything else.

Getting my new life together

Once the divorce was set in motion, it was time to start building a new life in a place that I hadn’t been back to in almost a decade. There was so much emotional turmoil during this phase. I was having to deal with repairing my relationship with my parents while also living with them. I started looking for work (even though David offered to send money, I just knew that I needed to have my own income coming in.) And I even started reaching out to old friends and found a therapist.

Throughout it all, David and I talked on the phone about every other day. Things quickly fell back into the comfortable dynamic that we had when we were together. The only difference is that we weren’t living in the same country, so I wasn’t able to show David my appreciation and affection in person. When I told him that I felt bad for how much he was doing for me, he simply said, “I’m not tallying up your bill over here, you know. I wouldn’t be helping you if I didn’t want to or if I expected something from you. For now, I’m just happy to be able to talk to you and make sure you’re okay. And if you want to talk about a future for us, we can do that when you’re ready. For now, just be a little selfish, please.”

Staying on top of the legal proceedings

Nothing new can be said about how complicated and grueling the process of divorce can be. And when it’s done internationally, things are, of course, more complicated and more grueling. Luckily, I’m a pretty organized person myself, and I spent most of my free time learning about how legal proceedings in Panama work. I trusted my lawyer, but I wanted to make sure that I knew exactly what to expect and how to keep the process moving as quickly as possible.

Sorry to say, but I was probably a pretty annoying client for my lawyer during this whole thing. But any time I told David that I was worried about coming off as too pushy, he encouraged me to keep the pressure on.

Going back for Chelsea

Thanks to David’s investment and my persistence, the divorce was finalized in a little over a year. And, to my surprise, I got close to everything that I wanted. Granted, I had learned to give up wanting anything material, which made things endlessly simpler than they could have been. Let my ex have the apartment, the art that we had bought together, and the car. I wanted my fair share of the sale of the company, and I wanted my dog (who during this time had gone to live with a friend of mine because it turns out my ex didn’t even want her).

In the end, David asked me if it wouldn’t be easier to simply hire a company to transport Chelsea from Panama to the US, but I was adamant that I wanted to go get her. Maybe it had something to do with symbolically closing that chapter of my life. But I didn’t want to be afraid of setting foot inside Panama just because of this experience.

Again, David was there to make my second homecoming easier. He picked me up from the airport and drove me to the hotel he had booked for me. I expected that he might want to come up, and a part of me wanted the same, but he didn’t.

“I want you to tie up all your loose ends,” he told me. “And then, when everything is signed and Chelsea is with you, we can talk about us.”

Seeing Chelsea again was the most heart-wrenching and incredible experience I had felt since the beginning of the divorce. I thought that after all that time, I was done crying. But as soon as I had her in my arms again, I broke down.

Getting all of Chelsea’s paperwork together took another couple of weeks, during which time David and I had dinner every night.

When I told him that I intended to pay him back with the settlement money, he laughed out loud.

“You know what I’m going to do with that money if you send it to me? I’m going to use it to buy us two tickets to Europe. You could use a vacation.”

In the end, we did go to Europe, but not with the settlement money. That, David said, should go towards building my next business.

Looking back, I still can’t believe I was lucky enough to get David’s call at the right moment. And in the future, I think I’ll be a lot more hesitant to end a sugar relationship for a romantic one. Who knows, maybe this thing with David will become a romantic one? But that’s still to be seen.