Navigating a Sugar Relationship While Balancing Parenting Duties

As a single parent with a teenager, pre-teen, and ten-year-old, I pretty much gave up on dating a long time ago. I was so tired of meeting someone that I liked and then having him run away in horror when I brought up my kids or, goodness forbid, he saw the state of my home. Sure, there were a couple who made it past that initial phase, and even one who I allowed to meet my oldest. But eventually, every single one of them decided that my life was too chaotic or that they wanted to start their own family (and there was no way I was going to think about having more kids).

So I stopped dating. And before you get the idea of me as this lonely old spinster (I’m in my 30s by the way, I’m not that old), it’s not like I shut out men altogether. I cycled through friends with benefits situations, always at their place, always on my schedule. And, I’ve always had a close group of friends for the social support.

And one other thing: I love my kids and I love being a mom. So, I was like, “If I can’t find a man who can handle this, that’s his problem. Not mine.”

One day, though, I was having a playdate with another mom friend of mine, and while the kids were splashing away in the pool, she made a confession that made my jaw drop.

“You know, Noelle, I recently found a new way to make some money on the side.”

I thought, Oh, here we go. She’s going to pull me into some multi-level marketing scheme. But no, she said, “I got myself a sugar daddy.”

I had a million questions, and after about a two-hour chat with her about everything from what her sugar daddy was like to how she met him to how in the world she was going to explain this to her tax preparer, I was convinced.

I went home that very night and created a profile.

Now, that was about a year ago, and I’ve been happily chugging along as a sugar baby ever since. One of the first things that people ask me about when they find out (and it’s only a handful of people that I feel comfortable telling) is how I manage with my kids. So, here are a couple of things I’ve learned about juggling sugaring with being a parent:

Be upfront with your sugar daddy and let them decide

There are some things that I feel comfortable telling my sugar daddy, and others I keep to myself. But, when it comes to kids, I’ve found that it’s just better to be honest about the fact that I’ve got three. Because they’re going to find out one way or another, whether it’s because I’m checking my phone during a date or calling to cancel last-minute because one of them is sick and needs me to stay home.

And, I don’t mean that I tell my sugar daddy so that then I can get away with being a bad sugar baby. But there are certain responsibilities that I have in my life that other sugar babies don’t have. So I want to make sure that my sugar daddy has all the information he needs to make an informed decision.

Don’t complain to your sugar daddy about your kids

It’s one thing to tell your sugar daddy about your kids, but it’s another to use him as a sounding board for the things that you’re struggling with as a single parent. Remember that your sugar daddy isn’t your romantic partner or your therapist or even, at the end of the day, your friend. So, find other outlets for talking through what you need to and focus during your date on being present with your sugar daddy.

Be strategic with your schedule

Single parents know that their time is absolutely sacred. And, it can be hard to justify going out on a date when your kids are at home or taking a weekend away when, truly, you’d rather have family time.

One way to get around that is to find sugar daddies who would rather meet up during the day when the kids are at school. Plenty are open to having lunch dates or meeting up early in the mornings on weekends before the kids are up.

Another option for scheduling is virtual sugaring. When you have your dates online, it means that you can play around with time zones and be more efficient in general with your schedule.

Have a plan for your allowance

The ultimate goal is for your sugaring practice to make your life as a single parent better. If that means using your allowance to hire a cleaner so you can spend more of your free time with your kids, do that. If that means accepting a new car from your sugar daddy so that you say goodbye to your gas-guzzling, unsafe old car, do that. Here are a few other ways that you can think about spending your allowance as a single parent:

• Put your money into a savings fund for your kids.
• Invest your money for passive income.
• Instead of accepting gifts like expensive shoes and jewelry, have your sugar daddy sponsor a vacation with your kids or another family activity.

Don’t tell your kids about your sugar daddy

Someday, I’m sure I’ll probably tell my kids about my sugar daddy. But right now? It’s not something that they need to know. Instead, I just tell them that I’m on the dating apps. Honestly, they don’t ask many more questions than that, anyway.

Make friends with other sugar babies who are also parents

Remember that friend who introduced me to the idea of sugar dating? She continues to be one of my best connections in the world of sugaring. And that’s because she understands what the experience is like: the good, the bad, and the absolutely ridiculous. And, she’s even come over a time or two when I really needed to show up to a sugar date and my kids needed a babysitter. Of course, I would do the same for her because I know how much one single missed date can impact a relationship.

Drown out the noise

Like I said, I don’t tell that many other people about being a sugar baby. But sometimes, the truth comes out anyway. There was that one time that I ran into another parent from my daughter’s school while at a work event with my sugar daddy. And there was also a time that I mistakenly confided in one of my oldest friends, who also has young kids, and she cut off our friendship because she said she didn’t want me around her family.

At the end of the day, you have to just remind yourself that you’re doing whatever you think is best to take care of your kids. And that’s no one else’s business. It’s as easy as that.

Don’t forget to enjoy yourself every once in a while

It’s time to put that outdated idea of the ever-suffering single parent out of your mind! Not only do you deserve to relax and have a good time, but your kids will also benefit from seeing you be treated like a queen (or prince!) So, when you’re on your dates with your sugar daddy, let yourself be pampered! When you get a surprise gift of flowers delivered to your work, enjoy them! If he’s offering to have a massage therapist come to your house, take him up on it!

There’s always going to be challenges, but you’re strong enough to handle them

Friend, as a parent, you’ve already gone through some of life’s toughest challenges. So, no matter how frustrating it can be to try to juggle sugaring with parenting duties, you’ve already got the training to deal with it. You can do this!