The Day My Sugar Baby and I Shared an Unforgettable Adventure

Before you get any ideas about this being a rom-com fairytale story, let me tell you that “unforgettable” doesn’t necessarily mean good!

In fact, this is the story of an unforgettably bad adventure in which I had to face my own shortcomings, pay for damages, and ultimately go home alone.

I met Candice on a sugar dating platform where I had only had pretty good experiences in the past. Nothing long-term or serious, mind you. Just a few dates here and there and some video calls. It was enough to tide me over, and I didn’t really have time for anything more.

I thought that Candice would be the same. We didn’t seem to have too much in common. She lived in a neighboring city. Wouldn’t tell me about her work or hobbies, not that I pressed her beyond small talk. We had one video call just to prove that we were from the same planet and could carry on a decent conversation. So far, so fine.

Despite the fact that we didn’t immediately click, I had to admit that she was cute. Maybe not  movie star beautiful, but there was definitely something about her. She carried herself with confidence. She didn’t apologize for the fact that she wasn’t done up for our video call, and she told me to hold on a minute while she told her dog to quiet down, sternly but with love. I could tell that she was happy with herself and her life.

So, I asked if she would maybe want to meet in person sometime. She said yes, but only if I would come to her. That was annoying—she lived an hour away. And even though she hadn’t told me about her work, I assumed that I was probably much busier than her. But, it was also not a bad choice, since I wanted to keep my sugaring habits private anyway.

We set a date for the following weekend. That Saturday morning, I got a haircut and ironed my shirt. And I set out.

Now, I’ll admit that my first mistake was not to double-check with her the night before or the morning of. I guess that was kind of a little test of mine, to see if people could be trusted to follow through on their promises even without reminders. I mean, that’s pretty basic human competency, you know? I don’t want to deal with someone who can’t put something in a calendar.

Well, guess who hadn’t put it in her calendar? Candice. Well, actually, that’s not true. She said that she did put it in her calendar. But then, when she hadn’t heard from me at all from Monday to the day before the date, she had crossed me off! She figured that if I didn’t send a single message in the meantime, it was because I was no longer interested. I guess that was her own test of human competency.

Anyway, the only way that I found out about this is that I showed up at the coffee shop where we were supposed to meet, and she wasn’t there. And she never showed up. And I didn’t have her personal phone number; we had only ever talked through the sugaring platform.

I waited a solid 25 minutes for her, getting angrier and angrier by the minute. And by the time I got in the car to drive another hour home, I was a cartoon character of fury. I was putting together a whole mental list of things that I would never do again, from traveling to see a woman to ironing a shirt before a first date to really ridiculous things like trusting dog owners (I was in a state, don’t judge me too harshly.) And it’s exactly because I was so in my head at the time that I accidentally backed into another car in the parking lot as I was leaving.

Now, in a calmer state, I can say that this was definitely my fault. But I was not in a calm state. I got out screaming things like, “Are you too blind to see tail lights?” and “I hope whatever you were looking at on your phone was worth the cost of fixing my car.” I mean, I was pissed.

But, immediately, and to my dismay (I was ready to throw punches, after all), I saw that the guy who got out of the car was not a worthy recipient of my rage. It was just a kid. He probably had nothing more than a driver’s permit.

And then I saw her. Candice. In the passenger’s seat. The air went out of me.

She got out of the car at a leisurely pace and with a smile.

“What’s with the attitude, mister? Bad date?” She teased. I couldn’t believe she had the courage to say that to me. I could only laugh. The kid looked thoroughly confused.

“Brandon, go ahead and get in over here. I’ll drive us home.” The kid did as he was told, looking like he might cry. He was apologizing profusely.

Candice leaned against the hood of the car. Now, seeing her in person, I could see that she was more beautiful than she looked in her pictures. She had the smug look of someone in the right. And I knew she was.

There was an awkward moment of silence while we waited for the other one to talk first. She did.

“Here’s what I think might have happened,” she said. “You’re a guy who feels like you need to play aloof because you’ve had bad experiences in the past. So you didn’t talk to me all week. I’m a woman who feels like I need to cut my losses early when I feel like someone isn’t serious because I’ve been burned in the past. So, I didn’t show up. Now, the universe, or whatever, is giving us a weird little second chance. We can either take it, or we can exchange insurance information and forget we ever talked to each other.”

I opted for the first one.

Candice went home to drop off her neighbor's son, whom she had been giving driving lessons to, and then met me for lunch. We had a great time, and we made plans to see each other again the following week. You’ll remember I said that I went home alone, which is true. To be fair, she saw me at my absolute worst and wanted to make sure that I wasn’t a total hothead before deciding to take a real chance on me.

Months later, and we’re still going strong, although she’s never let me forget about that fender-bender, which I paid for, by the way. Now, it’s an inside joke about our unforgettably bad adventure.