What is Ghostlighting?

Ghostlighting is a behavior seen in dating and relationships. It describes a situation where one person suddenly cuts off all contact without warning and, after a period of silence, comes back and uses manipulation to make the other person question their own memories. This begins with ghosting, which means the person disappears and stops talking. When they return, they use emotional tactics to make the other person doubt what happened during the silent period. This often involves denying events, dismissing feelings, or retelling events in a way that shifts blame.

Main Features

Ghosting

Ghosting is the first step in ghostlighting. The person stops all communication with the other person, often with no explanation. The one left behind may feel confused and rejected. No reason is given for the end of contact, and questions usually go unanswered.

Gaslighting

When the person who disappeared returns, they deny what took place. They might say, for example, that there was no long gap in communication or that the other person is misremembering facts. Gaslighting often includes statements that make the other person feel that their reactions are too emotional or exaggerated. The goal is to shift blame or to avoid taking responsibility for the original disappearance.

Common Behaviors

Certain patterns are found among people who ghostlight. Research and therapist reports mention the following traits:

• Some people who ghostlight show little concern for others’ feelings. They may have a strong need to control situations.

• Others may avoid dealing with emotional issues. Rather than talk things through, they walk away and then distort the truth when they come back.

• People who cannot read or respond to emotions in a healthy way may also engage in this behavior, especially if they try to avoid problems or direct conflict.

Example Case

An example is a person named Tom who dates Sarah for several months and then stops answering her calls and texts. Tom has not been heard from for weeks. When he returns, Tom acts as if nothing happened. When Sarah tries to talk about his disappearance, Tom claims she is overreacting or misremembering, causing her to doubt her version of events or question her feelings.

Signs of Ghostlighting

There are certain common signs reported by psychologists and people who have gone through ghostlighting:

• Sudden lack of all contact with no obvious reason or explanation

• Later return of the person, often denying that anything was wrong or that any gap occurred

• Statements that discredit the other person’s account of events

• Dismissing the other person’s feelings and blaming them for causing drama or being too sensitive

Effect on Mental Health

Research and therapy reports describe several effects of ghostlighting. Common responses include confusion, sadness, and self-doubt. People may start to question if their memories are correct or blame themselves for the end of contact. Some people report trouble trusting their own feelings in later relationships.

How it Changes Relationship Dynamics

When one person uses ghostlighting, there is often an imbalance in the relationship. The person who returns after ghosting tries to control how the other person sees events. Relationship therapists often underline that healthy dating should have both people feeling heard and respected. Ghostlighting removes this balance and can create long-term stress for the person affected.

How to Recognize and Respond

Being able to spot ghostlighting relies on paying attention to both actions and words. If someone ends contact with no warning and later claims nothing happened or that the fault lies with the person left behind, this fits the pattern of ghostlighting. Therapy providers and psychology experts say that keeping a clear record of events and asking friends or support groups for feedback can help people feel more sure of their own perceptions. If the effects feel very strong, a mental health expert can give support.

Reports from Experts

Mental health and relationships professionals such as Ailey Jolie and Aimee Hartstein say that ghostlighting is a behavior seen in people who cannot end relationships directly or speak about their thoughts openly. They view this as a behavior that people may use if they want to feel in control or if they learned manipulative habits in past situations. Trusted sources in the field report that the best response is to focus on one’s own reality and to recognize tactics for what they are.

Prevention Through Self-Reflection

Some people who find themselves ghostlighting others are urged to reflect on their actions. Experts suggest that it is important for such people to look at why they avoid explaining their feelings and resort to manipulation. Therapy or honest self-questioning can help break these patterns, allowing for more direct and respectful behavior in future relationships.